When you're in the moment, you feel so numb
And when you feel nothing, you think you're strong.
When you escape from that moment,you come undone,
And then you will find you've been suffering all along.
When you go through repetitive trauma, you may dissociate from it, and feel nothing. You may mistake this dissociation for strength /being tough, however it's just your brain protecting you from the trauma until you can safely process it. When you are safe, after a while you may find yourself reacting to the trauma then, and suddenly feel weak and not understand what is going on, as you previously believed yourself to be coping really well.