Concrete poured, flatten it just right,
Keep it neat and ordered, it's the way of our progressed nation,
Keep it controlled, no green shiny grass, no flowers disguising as weeds,
Pull them out, rid my streets of color immediately,
Don't let the colorful roam,
What chaos will reign against my tidy plan,
If you allow free spirits to Transcend,
What chaos will reign if feelings of Gay are out in the open,
Mingling with nature growing through the cracks in the pavement,
No, no, my small-minded need to make the world just so,
Cannot allow the green grass its freedom, the confusion of mixed flowers their minglings,
It must be ordered, ordained, religious manipulation suppressing the soul,
No cracks in my pavement I demand!

But oh, we're coming for you pavement makers, we're growing strong and furiously through your cracks, crumbling your concrete to dust, and we'll laugh as your sad little soul evaporates in our sun.

Without you I'm a rumbling volcano,
Bursting over on a daily,
Burning my soul with a raging fire,
Your alchemy purifies me,
Calms me,
Reveals the gold this fire formed,

I wish you'd stay with me every day,
Temper this angry heart,
I've been struggling alone for a long, long time,
With stubborn determination I've been trying to do all on my own,
Because I believed there was no other way,
I don't want to believe that anymore,
I'm tired of floating on this island with no home,
I'm tired and I feel sad but tears won't bring their release,
Reach out to me and offer a place of reprieve.

A heart alone, forgotten, since as far back as I can remember,
A heart lonely, overlooked,
Only the holder loving a haunted heart, a dying heart, a paling heart,
Still foolishly holding on, waiting for life.

Struggles seemed never ending,
Long-standing trauma,
Survival mode a constant,
Then finally, a light,
The struggles hadn't subsided,
I just eventually morphed into an undefinable presence,
Stronger, magnificent, but lost,
What do I do now in this small world around me?

Crumbling shards am I,
Shadows obscure the truth of me, Illuminate I plead,
Save me

It's difficult to not choose weak, and easy,
Consciously careless of consequence for the lure, the temptation,
Is too delicious to reason,

So you call upon temperance and remind yourself how far you've come,
The battles, depleting, fought and won, You remind yourself what you've missed, and lost,
What you could lose,

To find yourself in balance, in harmony, even if taut,
Once again,
For if you close your eyes you only see
Your light

I'm not the hunter, I'm the hunt,
As least I was, for a long forlorn time,
A lost pitiful girl, no home, no family, no guidance,
Easy prey and the hunters knew
But now?
I'm not the hunt, I'm the hunter,
Yet hunt I don't,
Because why would I filthy my hands with such meagre prey?
Quiet in the shadows I stay
Where only the strong play

No one person is better or worse than you,
Because you don't know your worst or your greatest,
Circumstances change you,
Can alter you in ways you would never expect,
Reveal depths of yourself you had no idea existed,

This fact doesn't pardon anyone's behavior,
But it does gift you freedom from resentment and revenge if you truly understand it

Meet me at the cemetery gates,
Where people stay quiet and still
Meet me at the cemetery gates,
Where memories echo and trill
Meet me at the cemetery gates,
Where life is found fulfilled
Meet me at the cemetery gates,
Where sense has found its will
Meet me at the cemetery gates,
Where my heart breathes tranquil

What a relief it would be if my heart could cry,
Releasing the tension found in each aching beat,
Unfurl pain,
Cracking the hard shell I've become,

What a relief it would be if my heart could weep,
Streaming tears washing out,
Unfurl hurt,

Making space for blood to flow,
Rich and sweet,
And alive.

Spying on someone is about control,
So when I say you're controlling, you disagree?
When I say I can't trust you,
You say, but of course you can!
There is no friendship in this, therefore there cannot be true love,
When one insecure broken side of the puzzle can't function in a healthy way,
There is no honest relationship,
There is no honest you.

Truth is the truth and truth is revealed in actions.

It's time for healing,
The call has been sung,
The call is singing,
But we're confused,
We're looking through an obscured view,
Shadow dust,
Chaos is in happening,
After all, extreme change cannot occur without extreme change,
There's purpose in the chaos,
There's freedom in the pain,
Hang on,
Through it all,
Don't let go of your soul.

I am sunshine,
And ocean,
Chilled vapor in the breeze,
Wilting petals in the heat,
Heartbeat of a bee,
Cold rock underneath the waterfall,
Fungi on a broken branch,
The tallest tree,
The Osprey perched on the tip top,
I am borderless skies,
And the planets and stars that seem otherworldly,
I am all this
And more.

I take a step back, away from you,
You're a trap,
A black hole,
No good will come to me by trusting you,

You don't know how to love,
You survive by controlling,

And now that I'm seeing this, understanding this,
And bit by bit removing your tentacles from me,

Your world is unraveling,
And as in your cycle,
You're trying to take me down with you.

You've stained my spirit,
My joy,
I let a monster in,
What a foolish girl.

I'm a bird in a cage that I willingly walked into,
Ignorantly, naively, blindly, but still willingly,
Now that cage is overgrown with suffocating vines,
Threatening to violently consume me,
Closer and closer they creep toward me,
They've already blocked out the sun,
But not all of it...
I have to find the way out,
And blossom and bloom,
And of course, fly.

Pull me out of the fearful shadows,
New familiar light warming the edges of me,
Will I have the strength to let it seep,

Can this cold body crackle to life,
Climbing out from the Earth like dead roots breaking,

Open my eyes, embracing the light,
Granting it permission to enter my soul,
Puncture my heart with golden yellow,

Melt me and remould me,
A breath of resurrected life,
Warmth now seeping out

I want to pour out of myself,
Into my true self,
From the deep, the unknown, the unrealized,
Dark and light,
As there can't be one without the other,
I want the More that whispers from the ignored shadows to be realized,
I want that burning and drumming whispered shouting to scream out of me,
To burst and burn all that's in its way,

I am not here to be mediocre,
I am not here for a mundane human experience,
I am not here to be politely good or broken bad,
I am not here to serve,
I am not here for you,
I am here to Burn.

Crack open the hidden, the shaded, the unknown, the unrealized parts of your mind. Rip out of the small shell and see more, be more...

My core feels shattered, scattered, isolated and alone,
Am I to believe we are one voice, one soul,
When I can't even find my own?

I am not even an island,
I don't share the growth of the fauna,
The energy of the wildlife,
Or the touch of the waves on my shore,
I am barren and sore.

You won't find divinity in the outside,
It won't seep out the adorned church walls,
It won't speak from a book,
Or gift from a sculptured symbol,
It won't sustain in tradition,
Or grant comfort in regulation,
It won't heal through congregation,
Or answer through a man deemed esteemed,
You can't find divinity in the outside,
You won't reach the depth you need,
You won't find place or purpose,
You will keep circling the lonely path of seek.

Life is fragile,
Delicate,
The chronically cursed realize this,
If your body fails you,
Your mind too,
What do you have left?
Why do you fight to live in torture?
Is it the spark of light that makes up you,
Never quitting even though all feels like hell,
Is this honorable or fear based,
Would it be a sin to take your own life or a gift?

I lost flowers of color, of blossom, of bloom,
When ignorance was snatched away,
Shadows revealed and darkness gifted a bouquet.

You can tear me apart again and again,
I will never come back together the way your weak self demands.

But eventually,
I will resemble a monster.

Another sprinkling of trauma,
With a smear of disappoinment overlaid,
Another day in pain, feeling alone,
Except for the burning company of anger,
Numb to the world because joy revolted,
Dragging hope with it.

At one time,
My spirit sought the warmth of the sun,
To sing with me in harmony of equal enthusiasm,
I believed in magic with an effervescent efflorescent hope,
But then the shadows sent out silent vines,
Grasping the tails of light,
Climbing higher and higher unnoticed,
Until hope and magic seemed a fool's game,
And the sun left to find someone warmer,

Now I must fight these vines of darkness,
Believing in magic once more,
Believing my spirit is worth the sun's love and the galaxies grace,
That I can be made up of such majestic truth that my soul struggles not to climb out of this body,
With overwhelming joy.

Demeaning,
Is Abusive,
Threatening,
Is Abusive.

This is not love,
This is not trust,

This is not truth.

Instilling fear,
Is not love.

It is weakness,
A need to control and diminish.

Sacrificing my soul, my essence, my very being,
In order to stabilize your moods,

Is not love,
It is not pure.

I must be free of you,
I need to be free of you,
Please,

You've taken too much from me.

I don't wish I was dying,
But sometimes I think what if I was?
I guess it's a craving for that feeling of fragility
Of suspension
Perhaps I want to see more clearly,
Through the fog of everyday messes
Perhaps I want to step out of the anger I'm harboring,
Remove the toxicity it breeds

To think of 'what would I feel like if I knew I was dying',
Is not enough as if you actually were,
If you were handed the death sentence,
Only so much time before the cancer eats all your cells for example,
You'd live in a different way,
You'd be lighter,
Sensitive,
Aware
Scared too,

I want to know what it feels like to be free of pain
I want to believe in joy

You showed your true colors,
It was a stab to my heart,
Calling me names,
That's a child's game,
You don't see me,
You don't see my truth,
You're too jaded by your warped point of view.

What would you let go if you were dying?
It's an oddly empowering feeling... Dying.
Fragile, delicate, gentle.
Hate dissipates, anger too,
The fragility feels like love.
Cells detaching and hovering for a bit,
Looking down on all that was loved and is love,
Looking down at you.
Forgiving, accepting, understanding,
Loving.
It will do you good to remember.