Wasted paper
Childish dreams

A heart alone, forgotten, since as far back as I can remember,
A heart lonely, overlooked,
Only the holder loving a haunted heart, a dying heart, a paling heart,
Still foolishly holding on, waiting for life.

What a relief it would be if my heart could cry,
Releasing the tension found in each aching beat,
Unfurl pain,
Cracking the hard shell I've become,

What a relief it would be if my heart could weep,
Streaming tears washing out,
Unfurl hurt,

Making space for blood to flow,
Rich and sweet,
And alive.

I feel like my heart is going to be ripped out again,
Anticipating it,
Grief,
Where suddenly every cell of you is fragile,
Suspended,
Holding a wisp of breath to survive,
To hover through to the next moment,
Of life,
Of being alive,
While your mind subconsciously tries to define death,
You don't understand,
Why grief feels this way,
Why the extinction of this person you loved,
Has ripped your being into shreds.

I'm a bird in a cage that I willingly walked into,
Ignorantly, naively, blindly, but still willingly,
Now that cage is overgrown with suffocating vines,
Threatening to violently consume me,
Closer and closer they creep toward me,
They've already blocked out the sun,
But not all of it...
I have to find the way out,
And blossom and bloom,
And of course, fly.

The ease of a bird,
Who can simply fly from you,
Out of reach,
Untethered.

It's time for change, feels overdue.
I've been toiling in red too long.
'You must know what you want and manifest it', they say,
But what you want and what you truly need do not always match up.
Want is shallow.
I need a blue enigma,
A new path,
El camino nuevo,
One of calm, goodness, worthiness, humility... Joy.
Joy from love, love from grace, grace from peace, peace from place,
El camino Nuevo.

I lost flowers of color, of blossom, of bloom,
When ignorance was snatched away,
Shadows revealed and darkness gifted a bouquet.

Let me crack open
As a rock splinters from the pressure of natural yet violent rhythms
Closed up and disconnected I’ve become  
Resistant to accept how the nature that births love and delicate life
Is the same nature that destroys everything you had without warning
The same nature that brings darkness and pain that snatches hope

I want to pour out of myself,
Into my true self,
From the deep, the unknown, the unrealized,
Dark and light,
As there can't be one without the other,
I want the More that whispers from the ignored shadows to be realized,
I want that burning and drumming whispered shouting to scream out of me,
To burst and burn all that's in its way,

I am not here to be mediocre,
I am not here for a mundane human experience,
I am not here to be politely good or broken bad,
I am not here to serve,
I am not here for you,
I am here to Burn.

Time slips past me
My mind full of irrelevance
Panic
Confusion

Lost

I'm losing

Losing what?
The test of life?
The proof of strength?
The faith of belief?

I want to scream until my throat burns
I want to scream until I lose conciousness
I don't want some fool trying to stop me
To calm me
To fit in the box
To be what's deamed acceptable

I'm dying inside
It's the anger which keeps the inside alive

And it's burning

Ignorance is bliss,
And convenient...
Hurtful...
Selfish.

Life is fragile,
Delicate,
The chronically cursed realize this,
If your body fails you,
Your mind too,
What do you have left?
Why do you fight to live in torture?
Is it the spark of light that makes up you,
Never quitting even though all feels like hell,
Is this honorable or fear based,
Would it be a sin to take your own life or a gift?

Meet me at the cemetery gates,
Where people stay quiet and still
Meet me at the cemetery gates,
Where memories echo and trill
Meet me at the cemetery gates,
Where life is found fulfilled
Meet me at the cemetery gates,
Where sense has found its will
Meet me at the cemetery gates,
Where my heart breathes tranquil

I'm tired of reading one love plea after the next,
Why can't you be enough for yourself?
Why are all the poems about 'oh I ache for you', 'oh you make me whole','oh your touch', the most popular?
You can't be whole if you're not loved or not seeking love?
Girl loves boy from a distance, boy is mesmerized by girl, boy broke other boy's heart, girl loves anyone that will pay her attention.
Yes, this a poem, and yes, I skipped over all you lovestruck fools poems,
No likes from me.
Oh she's just bitter,
Perhaps,
I've spent over a decade giving love to one who only takes,
A blinded servant on routine
Now I'm so deeply disappointed in myself,
For being so weak!
Can I not express my rage, my anger, my hate here?
Isn't that what poetry is for?
To express the wild
The hidden
The truth
Can we just put any other write on the top of the page that isn't a ******* love poem!

Another sprinkling of trauma,
With a smear of disappoinment overlaid,
Another day in pain, feeling alone,
Except for the burning company of anger,
Numb to the world because joy revolted,
Dragging hope with it.

Cosmos bloom from colors of the Earth

Purple, blue, orange, red, colors of love they put one thought into it

Petals and leaves open to the sun

Insects inspect

A symphony of goodness, purpose, light and warmth;

Colors of life my greying heart
Is in desperate need of

It's time for healing,
The call has been sung,
The call is singing,
But we're confused,
We're looking through an obscured view,
Shadow dust,
Chaos is in happening,
After all, extreme change cannot occur without extreme change,
There's purpose in the chaos,
There's freedom in the pain,
Hang on,
Through it all,
Don't let go of your soul.