fail to catch a ball
a young unmarried woman
to overlook, miss

I understand myself quite well.
It's everybody else that baffles
me.

I finally found God.
He told me His name was Nothing.
And Nothing is in my heart
wherever I go.

My family and friends can see
that Nothing is inside of me.
They ask what's going on in my life.

I tell them the very good news.
That Nothing is inside of them too!
I try and explain my new found religion:

Nothing is sacred
because Nothing will greet you when you die
and Nothing will love you forever
and Nothing will save you from yourself.

I found my god.
I named him Nothing.
And Nothing helps me sleep at night.
And Nothing takes my pain away.

do you ever just feel like you can't decide whether to scream and tear all your hair out and stab yourself in the chest or just never say a word for the rest of your life and stare at a wall unmoving

i can't decide whether to rip myself apart or sew myself together so tight i can't breathe.

Comes a point
Where no one will listen
No one will care
At that point it's just you
And the inner self

This is when you are fully conscious
Fully aware of the inner
Your final partner
Your everlasting listener
To help you step into the new world

god made me to be forgotten
he made me to be unloved
to be left out

god made me lose faith in him
he made me to suffer
to be alone

if god made us
why did he make me like this

Anxious all the time that this world isn't for me
Fearing failure with every opportunity
Racing heart, trying to breathe, to think, searching for air,
Agony, so many emotions, too aware
Intrusive thoughts, nothing makes sense, loud, amplified
Dying before death arrives, I'm a coward inside.

I now realize that
my biggest problem is me-
it always has been

11:11 PM
9/5/22