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Fill the hollow crevice of my existence
With light, show me a warmer way
Stop numbness from taking over
I am slipping further0 into dismay.

Down the senseless pit of despair
My direction is out of control
Darkness paralyzes my mind
Strangling thoughts that crawl and roll

Constricting my body until I give up
I kick the air but cannot land a blow
The empty space will never stop resisting
The sound of my own scream has become my foe.

The endless void swallows my voice
Here the tears I cry fall forever
The lies I have told mean nothing now
I knew my will was always meant to sever.

Faced with nothingness all around
This is my life; a ******* hole
It's slowly shoving me outwards
Little by little, pain taking over my soul.

Chaos has reality gripped
In a tight but unsure grasp
Confusing the mass of color
And motion contained in its clasp

Bullied by the tidal wave of isolation
Head above water though it is strong
Giving up the ability to move
Surviving by the current floating me along.

My consciousness is traveling lethargically
I no longer feel my torso or limbs
Attempt to wiggle a finger but it won't budge
It takes all my strength to speak and part dry lips.

This is where existence ceases
Where time's beginning meets its end
An unending loop of monotonous emotions displayed
A breif instant in which Eternity life does suspend
This started as how I felt when I was crippled by heartache and doubt but switched lanes kinda. It's random I suppose. But it sounds pretty.
Some things in ourselves are really hard to change
My main concern in life was
not being enough
for something
for my courses
I was self-doubting
I was really afraid
How could I start again after all the fun months I have spent?
How can I keep a routine?
How can I get back to study and
focus on myself?
How can I spend more hours in the library
and become more confident?
Waw how much these questions are important
And how much they involve
Every student in the world

And I answered them with other questions
Why do I need to be the best to succeed?
Shouldn’t learning be a fun thing?
Where it is all about accepting yourself
And expanding your knowledge
Why do I always feel the need to be more than I am?
Why do I have to become better?
Who said that the version of myself right now isn’t enough?
Why do I compare myself to others, to phones , to machines?
Why do we do this to ourselves setting up goals
Instead of waiting and seeing what life will offer us
Why can’t we trust that good things will happen
They can take time some time
And that’s okay
We should be patient with our fragile souls
Observe this world and see its hidden beauty

I need books to make me feel better
I need to read about a writer’s boring life
Accept life as absurd, boring and alienating as it is
Accept that everyone has a dark side
Involve emotions and feelings in everything I do or say
Let go instead of holding on
It is impossible to give what you do not have,
Therefore,if you do not have love. You can not love,
If you do not love yourself,you can not love another.
Stress,
Tests,
And all the rest.
"I'm an open book"
She says

Written in
code.
Dark rooms
with blacked-out windows.
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