I am sleepy, so so sleepy.

But sleep does not come to me.
My head is buzzing but when I try I am unable to find what is causing this noise within me.

We are weird.

We are good.
We are amazing.
We are on cloud nine.
We are ready for everything.
Life is exciting.
It's motivating.
It's not HappeningFastEnough.  

It moves me in its divine

We are weird.
Wait.
Am I weird?

Life stills.......

I am sleepy but the noise....
I wanted to scrawl this noise away.

But

When I try to listen all I hear is
.... tick tock,
I should be sleeping.
Tick tock
All I hear..... Is my clock.

I had travelled for so long.....too long some may say
Hunting for the lost piece of the puzzle that before me lay

Love - it was always there,
Laughter it was never far,
Copious bright imprints snuggled sweetly to my chest,
Two peas in a pod -
A pod that I secretly knew was the best.

Pieces went missing?
Pieces felt misfitting?
Then:
You cared far more for freedom,
You cared far more for money, more money,
You cared far more about the opinions of those that don't care much at all,
You cared far more about the substances that fooled you to believe that all it wanted was to help

I wanted to help - Me,

You lied and lied again
When all I wanted
Was the truth
When all I Needed
Was the truth

You say:
Your reflection is distorted now?
Your eyes are unsure
You feel walls at every angle
And This is what you feel you must endure?

You no longer saw who I saw
and I couldn't understand why.
You were my favourite person
one of the nicest I knew
You had been my home for so long.

I became exhausted
I became tearful
I became scared
I became so worried about you that I forgot all about me
I forgot about everything else that was worth worrying over in this beautiful world.

I Had to surrender.
because I couldn't answer any of the why's that clung
So badly
To how we ended up on this path.
I just couldn't solve it - my god I tried and tried again.
But, the pieces - they just wouldn't fit.

I never wanted to, but

I let you go

As excruciating as this was, it was the only thing left to do.

I let you go

I miss you
I don't though miss
The tears
The arguements
The disappointment
The worry
The uncertainty
The fear I cradled whenever I dared to hope
But I do miss you

I see sparkles of you every so often and I remember all the love that once connected us so securely - with a sad smile on my face.

I now accept that there was no helping you to make choices that would've brought you happiness - as it was a happiness you felt unworthy of.
Nor could I have helped you to love yourself like I did - you knew what I was yet to find out.

I now understand - guilt can steal a good heart.

I blamed the universe... Before I blamed you.

You held a blindfold over my eyes with tears in it; allowed me to sight only part of the scene before me.

I blamed the trees with the burnt branches; they bent ever so slightly to tickle you and lure you out to play.
I blamed your tribe; they put you on a pedastal, a pedastal that did not stay still for you to lay.

I blamed the leaves and the salt; they coerced you to mould into someone
Unknown to me.
Unknown to you.
I blamed myself; as I knew the blade would not go as deep as it would, if I Confessed to blaming you.

But

In the end..... You made the choices that brought a shard of glass down upon our ties.
I say you blindfolded me... But in reality I know, it was me, me holding that blindfold....allowing you to recite all those lies.

If only I knew how colourful the world could be without it obstructing my view.

Red and yellow and pink and green
Purple and orange and blue.......

I can now sing a rainbow,
Sing a rainbow,
Sing a rainbow too.

They smile, you smile,
They laugh, you can't not,
Their eyes light up when they see you,
It melts your heart,
It stops your thoughts,
It tickles your soul.

They cry, you guard, you nuture, you kiss better, you tell them the pain won't last.

They are so generous.
They gift you love,
They gift you joy,
They lighten your world,
They make everything worth while,
And this is just when they smile.

You teach them right from wrong,
You teach them numbers and colours,
You teach them,
It's OK to cry,
It's OK to be mad,
It's OK to be tired or frustrated,
Let the emotions come but ensure they remember,
It's OK to let them go.

They will challenge you,
They will teach you just how strong You Truly are.

They are the Ultimate 24/7,
They are so Precious

Dislike faded to friendship and grew to a love, I never knew existed.

If only, I knew, it was always tainted.

Love is the feeling of happiness you get when you see them smile,
It Beams,
No matter what, but more so when you know you are the cause,

Love is the feeling of devastation you get when you see them hurt
It Kills,
No matter what, but even more so when you know that you are the cause,

Love is Hope
            It's Faith
             It's Justice
              It's Charity
               It's Courage
                It's Prudence
                 It's Temperence

Love is wanting them,
Love is needing them,

Love is staying,
Even when it hurts you more than words can say,

Love is Lust
          Its Envy
           It's sloth
            It's Pride
             It's Greed
               It's Wrath
                It's Gluttony

Love is a drug,
It's everything, but it can quite easily leave you with nothing,

Love with caution - its not always a balance of sin and virtue.