sandstone hits glass
she wants to talk about our past
the knives,the guns,the pills fill my head
her words ring in my ears like a lost melody
the things i would do to her,
the things i would do for her

she wields her sword and raises her shield,
ready to fight
our enemy is not the one waiting at the city gates
but the one messing with her heads.

we have the same enemies, her and i
they are born in our heads,
they thrive on our thoughts,
they keep us awake at 3 AM with a bottle of wine by our bedsides
because our eyes are too tired to shut themselves,
they make us love ourselves sometimes
only to rip us apart and wear our skin as cloaks.
our enemies are peculiar
they lift the corners of our mouth to form a smile
they make us swallow pills and snort drugs to feel alive.
we don't fight them
we let them win
we let them aim their guns at us
we let them destroy our will to live
we let them follow us to family gatherings and night-outs
we watch them rip our insides out with a smile
we can never get them out of our heads.
you see, we once built a palace inside our heads
we adorned the walls with our favourite pictures and stories
we hung fairy lights by our bedsides
because all the light we couldn't see was fading away.
the demons crawled out from under our beds and got into our heads.

darkness loomed over our palace.
the fairy lights were broken
the pictures shattered
the stories reduced to scribbles
we sharpened our knives,
got guns for hands,
bombs at the entrance
and changed the lamps to grenades
but they didn't die.
they grew stronger.

we tried to burn down our palace,
run away to our haven
but they got us in the end
and no matter how high our swords and shields are raised
they will stay with us
until the very end

My thoughts have become rotten
they've become overused
on and on every moment everyday
the same exact notions
the same sick emotions
it's like a poison it's released and I'm entrapped
What the **** am I doing my thoughts don't correlate with my physical motions
towards the deep, towards the hole
ah, the sweet release
This ******* drug I'm done I quit
One thing I'll do to omit this exhausting chemical it can't exist I ******* quit it can't exist!
Yet I still give in, I can't stop smoking
The endorphin of your breathe, the passion of this mess
Drowning deeper and deeper in this ocean of killing devotion
Inhaling the essence of this relationship
Denying myself it's basic commotion
It'll be over soon and then I'll somehow ****** your flame
But it's too late
**** with you its not a relationship it's a addiction it's insane
I've excelled at tearing my own flesh
I deserve a ******* promotion
Man I knew this would bite me in the ***
Dispose of any light I had
My heart is decomposing in slow motion as I set off my own erosion
Guest that's why they say stay away from drugs
They'll likely set off an explosion

i learned to love
i learned to die
i never learned to say goodbye
i learned to walk
i learn to run
i seem to have found a gun
i have no practice
i know im not sane
but im aiming for my brain

I'm a murderer you see,
I killed the little girl i used to be.
My hair has darkened,
My laughter has fled.
I lost all intrests,
I barely leave my bed.
The world lost its colour,
Everything seems gray.
I drown myself in books,
Just to make it through the day.
The stories, the worlds,
Everything was so new.
Powers and creatures,
My book collection grew.
I never look at anyone,
I never say a word.
I just locked myself in rooms,
For an amount of time that was absurd.
I am a murderer you see,
I killed the girl i used to be....

i have no friends
im all alone.
i live in my house
but it isnt my home.
im in the closet.
i wont come out.
my family is judgemental.
they'll scream and shout.
i look for help,
in the comfort of words.
thats where i found her.
her name is poetry,
she makes the pain blur.
she turms my words
into paragraphs of beauty.
she tells me to continue
like its my duty.
i found a girl i can love
her name is poetry.
Shes the only girl
ill be able to love openly.