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 Aug 2018 Triste
Brian McDonagh
Though words plainly expand the levitation of gases,
I still feel a twitch in my nerves when you talk,
Like anything I have ever said was meaningless;
Yet, when I express that your speech bothers my sensory system,
I feel a guilt
That I am the one who changed you
For my own satisfaction.
Why do I cater to myself
Instead of I who am more considerate?
Ever have one of those people in your life who have like a sing-songy kind of voice that gets you wondering whether you're still in reality as the tone of the other person seems to ignore the troubles of the world?  I know I'm really weird for expressing this as a conundrum, but just like nails against chalk, so sometimes this, no pun intended, "gets on my nerves."  But that's just me; again, please interpret how you wish! Hope you enjoy!
 Aug 2018 Triste
Brian McDonagh
I descend the hallway stairs
As the only motion this morning
In dormant passages and space.
Sweatband tightens around my head's
Circumference.
With water in me, I am ready
Yet my mind explodes thoughts
To have me reconsider my determination
To exercise.
Following disorganized stretches,
I trot and pant away,
With the intention of completion in mind
But the burden of self-propelling in sweat.
The sun follows me every foot-length
Like a security camera always operating
And constantly watching.
Only in this case, if I stop running,
I am caught and burned.
From my poetry journal; a poetical description of how I interpret my recent morning jog cycle.
Bibitawan ko
At hahayaan
Ang agos na ang magdala
Sa aking nararamdaman
At kung ito'y mapadpad ulit sa dalampasigan
Baka sakali'y ito'y maaari
Nang pansinin ulit, at
Sa pangalawang pagkakataon
Ay subukan muli
I’m a soldier
in a war
sold to the highest bidder
Biding my time
getting high
but not getting
anything out of
life

A lifer
a loser
lost his way
was on his way
on a journey
was earning
a living
was living
a life
in spite of
spitting in the face
of all I was faced with
Couldn’t face up
to the need
I was feeding
A hole
from which
my soul
was bleeding
Unknown reason
harboring this treason
give it time
it will season
Belief system
the Devil
finds pleasing

No matter
how much I tried
and from everyone hide,
including myself,
what was
deep inside
If I went
and made
an attempt
a fool I'd be,
wasted time spent
A lament
at controlling
the tide
And each day
from the next
more and more
of me died

There was a time
when all my efforts
went unheeded
and instead
succeeded
But these courtships
did not breed
or plant the seed
Instead was seething
to be
leaving
Escaping from me
with each breath
I’m breathing

A horrible time
indeed
Unfamiliar,
making me ill
Not having free will
Undeserving
and not for me
to get
Must get angry
and upset
Breaking steps
So many
missteps
I’m falling
more than I’m standing

Steps I’ve climbed
mostly blind
by my blindfold
Its knots
I bind
the moment
I ‘rise-and-shine’
so that
in time
when rising
like yeast,
the hiding
inner self
self-defeats

Every hand folding
as I’m
raising the bets,
doesn't make sense
From where
did I get
this invisible pet
Originally set
and previously molded
in the early stages
of the morning
in a story
that’s boring
and been told
time and time again
with
lost love ones
and friends

A friendly reminder
that a
“stitch-in-time”
is not
a time saver
if the referenced ‘stitch’
relied upon
was built upon
lies
Consumed
from others
that we
self tie
but mostly
force fed
by the very hand
controlled
by my head

It’s a numbing thought;
reasons sought
Elusive?
‘yes’
but pieces
caught
My peace disturbed
by actions
brought
from a desire
to numb
so that these thoughts
will be
forgotten

Decayed
and rotten
left for days
in a
wrought iron cage
Anyone
with sage
too afraid
to consume
but 'In-Doom'
I trust
and with full ******
my smile
displayed;
Forward I go
for sins
I pay
and lie within
this bed
I've made

Not night;
thick of day
No difference displayed
Skewed indifference
to the
different
paths
that have been
laid
like the path
of destruction
from this day
back
in my wake
Bindings
can't brake
A life's mistake
Lay me down
my soul
to take
Lying in state,
a viewing,
my wake
My mind
now awake
-
Cruelty's laugh
makes me
an ***
A crass reminder
of a life
that's past
Written: July 14, 2018

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