Witness one more time
How I am forcing my own hand.
We are burdened by the dilemma of sight
And I see you at every turn...
I'm buried beneath the quality
You told me I'd never achieve.

Depression has felt like
Gymnastics here without you
On the other end of my phone.

When did being obsolete
Require such a high degree
Of technical mastery?

I'm holding my head up still
Because ******* and moaning
Won't stitch up our schism
And you told me I was not
A priority to you...

I've got to admit
That's a statement
That I'm growing quite sick of...

And if I don't matter to you,
After continued comprise,
I won't continue to lie to myself
About my preference in geography,
And I'll let my conscience step back
Into where I've walked recently...
To where Angels can glare
Without scoffing at the arrogance.

Mercy was on your mind
When you marched me to the guillotine.

My affection fell short
And our future wasn't good enough...

For you could not love me.

For I cannot blame you.

When I'm looking through the pinholes,
That adorn the ceiling like scars,
And I take a deep breath
To hold it in like the supernova
Of a dying, burning star...

I'll learn how to feel again.

I'll shake off the morphine
That you coated me in
When the curtain came down on our future
When the sun fell black
On St. Crispin's Day.

For you could not love me.

For you are not wrong.

You look upon me
From your high ground,
And you fill me full of spades.

I'm crushed below the amazement you inspire,
And and you're grinding me into dust.

I will cease to be in this enchantment.

For you could not love me,
So I peeled back your veil.

I'm looking through at the joys
Which are traveling slowly
On these dim LEDs tonight.

There is eternal love
Behind one of the doors,
And behind plenty of others
There exists a world
Where we begin to dissolve,
But our surface area increases greatly.

Will we luck out,
Or are we destined to call this audible?

I don't know why you
Are coating yourself in this
Jagged exterior of elitism
When you know all too well
How Faust squandered his soul.

Don't tell me I'm repeating my mistakes
Because you don't understand
That I'm bettering myself,
As you glare in to my consciousness
Through your kaleidoscope
Where everything must look like paradox.

Let me think for myself now.

I've weighed the advantages
More times than you have,
And I promise you,
These circumstances are far better.

Love to you is like the Monty Hall Problem,
And you always think there's a bigger prize
Behind the next door.

You aren't increasing your fortune,
And that's not how you win.

I'd say you're not using game theory very well,
And I'd posit that's no way to live your life.

You want to feel calculated and powerful
By approaching love with your Id fully wanting,
And wanting the apex of what it can obtain.

Your new side was fake
And covered in all the rust you need
To start a war.

There were springs sticking out
From holes in the mattress
The night you told me
I was void of form.

It must haunt you now
To think that I'm such a good abstraction.

Lacrimosa,
Lacrimosa...

My dear,
I'd prefer to sing alone.

To think of you washed
In all the colors falling
Like Whistler's Rocket
So far below the moon...

I cry away any sanctity
Placed upon me in my youth.

When I am stricken
With all the words
Uttered over the silence
Of our modern, beautiful
Communication...

I will fall silent.

I will fall still.

I will be quiet,
But I will be swift,
And I will be void of mercy
To all but myself.

I want to hear you
Speak in Greek,
For it's the language
In which Aristotle
Tried to formulate tragedy.

Aren't the troubles
We sometimes must endure
More the classical variety
In this age of technology,
Yet the Julian you turn to
Is not the Apostate...

I don't prefer any former residence
That I owned along the rain.
Tribulations will drain our coffers
But I have insurance implanted
By way of teal dream in your eyes,
So I'd like to ask you
To not go looking for pain.

Optimism isn't always wasted time.

I'm bearing down on all that binds us,
And I'd wager we're both cultivating
Our gardens now.

Will you stay up with me
Under the lights of the greenhouse tonight?

Color my eyes in to reflect yours
While you collect your concerns below.

Just don't scavenge the pain out of our fortune,
Like I know you could.

I couldn't bear to hear you speak in Greek
While my heart's on the altar.
Don't you see that I was always
Absolutely a dowry for the taking
And I was tarnished every time?

I never thought that I too
Was worthy of love.

I never knew that there existed
The magnitude you achieve,
Which is why I never want to read
Your magnitude in the context
Of seismologic destruction.

I couldn't bear witness to your holy carnage...
But **** you'd be good at it.
Aeschylus would weep at the fact
That he never wrote it in detail.

You would speak in Greek
With your own added touch.

But it's all in speculation
That I don't want to live to see.

Pushing through my mind
In the form of swirling stigma,
My life of such defined shape
Is slowly losing form.

My world of pain
Is hurting far more
And I don't give my time
To hypothesize
How to turn this all around.

I'm ******* myself,
But this world requires
A rough exterior to survive.

There's absolute sorrow...
The purest collapse in reason
Locked deep in my cathedral.

/FORESIGHT.

I drove down a road
Paved with asphalt as thick
As all my good intentions.

I swerved right into the traffic.

Death felt like a warm embrace
Riding the coattails of your words.

So devious now to think of you
With that halo.

/DIAMOND.

But that's all abstraction
From the roots of my mind,
Cracking like fire
Seconds from meeting its fate
On the end of the extinguisher.

And that's how I hope to vanish
From this Earth...
So bright and then nothing,
Shattering any illusion of my worth...
I'm just another diamond
Held under your sledgehammer.

/GAMBLER.

Pour another shot of your venom
Down my ******* throat.

I love how bitter
You are at your core.

I'm begging for those eyes
To turn into mirrors
As they take the last of my life
With that last cherry kiss.

My charity is death,
My donation isn't evident.

Spin that wheel again for me
With my soul on red
And yours on black,
And see if my motif of lucking out
Can recur so flawlessly once more.

There are spades in my chest
And arrows in my back,
Both a pleasant reminder
That pain spawns from life.

And isn't it a pleasure to be breathing
Or so they always tell me.

Isn't this walk across broken glass
More exciting than the tightrope?

I could always still fall,
I'm assured,
But are the heights ever a reminder
Of just how alive
I really am?

It's all so blistering and grand,
And that's exactly
How I'd have you believe it.

I wonder if you could set me ablaze tonight...

I'd wager it'd be harder than usual.

You wonder in sequence...
I'd give my life tonight
To be first on that list,
Because I've got a smoldering sadness
Tearing holes in my sanity
Quite rapidly.

I couldn't even claim
To be deteriorating now.

Limbo has renewed my residency
And there's Hell to pay
If I am ever to relocate.