I thought I hated you for the way you left.
I thought I hated you because she can now call you hers.
I thought I hated you for leaving me when I had so much love to give to you.
But I don't hate you.
I understand why you left the way you did.
And I understand why you did the things you did.
I understand why you said the words you said.
But I'm still here.
I still have so much love to give you.
I still have so much to offer.
I still have so much love for you.
Come back.

Knowing you exist
is what gives me purpose.
But you're too stubborn
to ever love me back.
Knowing you smile
is what makes me happy.
But you're too clueless
to notice what I see.
Knowing you're happy
is what gives me purpose.
But you're too stupid
to realize I love you.

"**** you stupid girl
why won't you drop your
guard"

The space between the two of us
is what is breaking my heart.

"I am sure that you will never
find a man that is ever
gonna love you more"

So please just love me.

I remember how I felt when I first looked into your eyes,
my god I couldn't ******* breathe.
I remember when I first saw you as you were walking up to my truck,
my god you were so ******* beautiful.
I remember the butterflies in my stomach when you grabbed my hand,
my god I was so ******* nervous.
I remember how I couldn't stop smiling when we first kissed,
my god you put the ******* sun to shame.
I remember when you told me it was over,
my god I felt like ******* death.
I remember the butterflies stopped flying when I saw you for the last time,
my god you were still so ******* beautiful.

You introduced me to my favorite bands.
You introduced me to my favorite brand
of cigarettes.
You showed me how to live on this earth leaving only a foot print.
You showed me the importance of looking at the trees.

But you taught me to flee
when feelings get too complicated.
And you taught me to run
when the sun
is shinning too brightly.

I miss you.
Come home to me.
Let it be.

I never knew love could hurt this bad.
Please don't be mad.

You introduced me to my favorite bands and favorite brand of cigarettes.

And you showed me to only leave footprints and to always gaze at the trees.

But you taught me to flee and that's where you went wrong.

So I'm sorry my love but I have to run.
I hope to see you soon.
Maybe in the light of the moon I'll be a different person.

Just know that I love you
and you'll always be dear to me.

Turn left at this light and it'll take me home.
Take me home?
Home?
Where is home?
Home is no longer a place for me.
Home is in your arms, where I wish I could be.

If you believe in God,
then I give you kudos.

If you believe that there's a God for you,
kudos to you.

But for me,
there is no God.

But for me,
there is only spirituality.

Because the God that I've heard about,
would not have put me through the hell that I have been through.

Because the God that I've heard about,
would not let me relive those nights every ******* day.

So please,
do not be offended when I say that I don't believe in Him.

So please,
respect me in my belief of only spirituality.

Because the spirits I am connected to,
have pushed me through these times.

Because the spirits I am connected to,
do what your God does for you

but doesn't do for me.

I REMEMBER WHAT MARCH WAS LIKE WITH THE WEATHER CHANGING AND THE LEAVES GROWING
AND THE SUN SHINNING
AND  THE ******* SUN SHINNING.
AND YOU, MY GOD THE WAY YOU LOOKED IN THE SHINNING SUN STANDING UNDERNEATH THAT ******* TREE,
UNDER THAT GOD ****** TREE.
AND I REMEMBER WHAT FALLING IN LOVE FELT LIKE IN SPRING BECAUSE YOU HAD MY HEART IN YOUR HANDS,
GRASPED IN YOUR ******* HANDS.
AND YOU HELD IT OVER YOUR ******* HEAD AND I THOUGHT THAT YOU WERE DOING IT BECAUSE YOU PROUD,
OH GOD WAS I SO ******* PROUD.
AND I REMEMBER THE BEGINNING OF APRIL WHEN YOU STARTED HURTING YOURSELF AGAIN AND YOU SAID IT WAS BECAUSE YOU MISSED HER AND **** THAT HURT,
THAT ******* HURT.
I TRIED SO ******* HARD TO REMIND YOU THAT IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT THAT SHE WAS GONE AND THAT HER DEATH HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE LOVE YOU HAD FOR HER,
NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.
I TRIED SO ******* HARD TO SHOW YOU THAT IF YOU JUST LET ME HOLD YOUR STUPID ******* HAND THAT I COULD MEND YOUR SHATTERED PIECES TOGETHER BUT YOU COULDN'T ******* LET ME DO THAT COULD YOU?
YOU JUST ******* COULDN'T.
ALL I WANTED WAS FOR YOU TO LOVE ME THE WAY THAT I LOVED YOU BUT YOU ******* LEFT
AND I STILL DON'T KNOW WHY YOU DID THAT.
(WHY'D YOU ******* LEAVE)
ALL I WANTED WAS FOR YOU TO ******* STAY
(PLEASE ******* STAY)
AND TRY BUT YOU COULDN'T EVEN ADMIT TO YOURSELF THAT YOU DESERVED ME AND I DON'T ******* UNDERSTAND WHY YOU COULDN'T JUST GIVE IN FOR ONCE.
WHEN YOU LEFT, YOU THREW MY ******* HEART INTO THE ******* MUD
INTO THE GOD ****** MUD
AND MY GOD DID THAT ******* HURT.
BUT I SWEAR IF YOU CAME BACK ID PICK IT UP, WIPE IT OFF AND IT BACK TO YOU ONCE MORE.