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...my seventeenth drink in two hours
when my head went from resting peacefully in your lap
to hung over the toilet seat I somehow managed to get to in time
vomiting self-hatred and cheap *****
that I realized I should have eaten something that day.

...you asked about the sixty-two marks on my arm
that I purposely (drunkenly) left in plain sight,
unconsciously hoping someone would ask if I was okay,
that I realized you would be anything to me
but nothing hits harder than the fact that
despite "your understanding of how I'm feeling"
I still wanted to die of 200% alcohol in my bloodstream.

...we were lying on the cold, hardwood floor
with your arm under my head and your lips pressed to my neck
(although I'm not sure if that actually happened)
that I realized I could be happy even at my lowest.

...we woke up the next morning,
next to each other but not touching,
that I realized the night before was a one time thing
and even though you saw me at my worst,
all you really know is my first name
and that I have hundreds of scars on my left inner arm and both my hips,

but you didn't say a word to me all morning.
 Sep 2014 Towela Kams
Lexi Dvorak
The girl sits with a razor kissing her wrists.
The boy sits in a corner enduring never ending kicks.

She says she'll be fine.
He says he just stepped out of line.

She doesn't understand that this is far from fine.
And He doesn't understand that this is not because he was out of line,

She believes she deserves this.
He believes they love him.

Neither of which are true.

Why would she deserve pain,
and why would he deserve the cold bottom of their shoes?
How is Gary..?
How are you..?
Is there something you need..?
Is there anything I can do..?

Appreciative and humble,
We need things not.
I pray for a mumble,
Or some sort of thought.

I can still see the life in his face.
We wait for miracles,
And watch them take place.
As we wait for his warm embrace

I say prayers at your side
while I hope hard you will come back.
Keep holding tight on this long ride,
And know our love for you will never lack!

Gary Mathew its not your time.
We all know this to be true.
Oh brother of mine,
I don't want to see a world with no you.






https://m.facebook.com/LoveForGary

https://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/love-and-support-for-gary-jr-/239630#.VCT4WRfll-U.facebook
Please show your support for my brother fighting for his life here in trauma care ♡
I want to explore what is beyond the minds eye,
beyond what I can find.
What defines being alive.

I want to unlock closed doors,
and explore whats behind.
A star destined to glow,
will find a way to shine.

The re build can be better,
than original structure.
Wisdom and patience reduces the wonder.
If they don’t have reaction,
then why am I asking?
Knowledge is power,
so answers are lacking.

I think so I want.
I want so I get.
If it wasn’t so hard,
I’d hardly commit.
This is my life,
and I’ll never forget.
I'm given this life,
so I can go **live.
Keep thinking
/\                                                                        
<(       ) >                                                                        
\/                                                                          
                                    
                       & from the Planet Venus                                                

                     ///  • |
                     <>

                                                                    7 pure souls approaching

•   •

Gentle as the child truly is

Down on the iron streets
                                          ( the prison streets )

There is a lover called      Forever
               there is a hidden hope
                         In some mangled memory

///                                

YE of the still - loving heart

YE of the purest Eye and truest Vision

                               ////

wander through the deserted dream

Thru the alien constellation



Knowing that when you are seen

                     They hardly think you       real - at - all

/../         /../

The   Breath of God

The hope for Peace

//

The el - train cross the ***** sky

Seeking love in alley -  ways

Courting death to ease the pain

////                        

We wander thru the broken line

Of age to youth

And immortality

••

Hypnotic spells hold souls at bay

The muted hope for free exchange

Of loving kindness shared in purity

••

From Venus the 7 souls complete

Have come



See us walking down the road

See us waiting on your street
 Sep 2014 Towela Kams
Kyra Elise
We dated,
it was weird,
I could tell something was wrong.

You said goodbye,
I did too,
and I felt so confused.

I didn't mean to not feel,
you just weren't the one,
then sometime we started talking again.

And then I found out
why.

You began by saying
you had a secret,
a deep, dark one that no one could know.

And for hours you tested me,
made me swear
to never tell.

Then you said it.

And everything made sense.

And now look at you,
opening up to the world around you,
looking at the hopes I have for you,
I am proud of you.

I am proud of you.

I am proud of you.

You have so far to go,
but you've come so far already.

I love you,
but platonically,
like a brother,
the one that I never had
to look up to.

So thank you,
and remember,
I love you
and I'm proud of you,
so very proud.
To a dear friend and all that he has gone through in the past two years, thanks for being there when I needed a shoulder and thanks for everything you've taught me about life.
You wanted me out of your life
You broke your promise
You broke my heart

After everything we've been through
you simply tossed it away
With cruel words and actions
You broke me down

You made your choice
you knew what you were doing
You left me there "bleeding"

You hurt me
And I'm still here reeling
in the aftermath destruction

I'm sitting here, Trying
Not to fall in the gaping hole
That you left behind

You left
when I needed my big brother the most

Its too late
to be looking back now.
its too late
for the I'm sorrys and apologies

So to Answer your question
YES
the door back in is really shut

and to answer your other question
NO.....

......I don't think It will ever open back up
You wanted me to talk to you... Well here is my answer.
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