steep
soil
landslide
foot slips
and shrieks
fade into quiet
you wake on your side
lungs lined with dirt
on a pile of hyacinths
with no wind to move them
the air, stagnant
no wind to while
the dust of you away
the dust of them away
steep
soil
landslide
into where
your comrades lay

it is when I sit with
beautiful things
I am reminded that
nothing ever keeps;
the words might smear or
the air should dampen
and if
you should not believe me
ask the flower what it is like for her
at nighttime and then
ask her to repeat it
explain to her
what it is like to be
lived in

Suicide should only be committed once*
So why the hell do I try every couple months
Something's up with the water
I don't feel the rush like I used to
There's no happiness tutorials on YouTube
I laced together my shoes, through them on a wire and convinced myself to sit and think
The kitchen sink's dishes stink
But you are what you eat and I had a helping of insane

Low key lowlife, broke and high under a spotlight
No ice so there's more drink at the drive thru window with my eyes suspiciously low
I'm ridiculously close to laughing what's left of my mind away
I forgot how it feels to feel fine today
It's either *love or hate and there's no areas of gray

*I wish I had a thousand hours to sit down and figure out exactly what the **** that I've been running from
I wish someone would stick around long enough to identify with the place that I'm coming from

I sold my soul to the devil and he sold it back to me. I am $35 richer.

my fingers burn
like old gas stoves
my eyes, wide open
and will not close
turn
and toss
like 4:00 in the morning
bound to bed
swimming in silk sheets
aware of every thread
against my body
and every breath
every night noise, every "bump,"
and regret.

he took a draw of his cigarette,
he breathed it in
some pure catharsis
the smoke pulled,
he coughed
some cheap tobacco
he was as stale as the cigarettes he choked down

overcast

in this refuge

downcast

and i would turn my hand, and reach to strike

like that light

in overcast sky

and i am downcast

and as the ground was wet

my mouth would dry

in the monsoon, the downpour as i am downcast

time wound,

and like that light,

my mind would burst

quick to lose count

to unhinge, with screws loose

on a time clock

to unwind,

to lose,

i am under overcast

i leave my hand downcast