******* nothing threatening to draw me close
hold me like the *** freak in his chest did
stroking my hair and cooing in my ear
dripping words as he puts his hand between my legs

ringed fingers gripping my neck
shoving away my frightened fingers
trying to break free
on the couch
he ruined my favorite movie as a child
taking my body from my control as it played in the background
a sick contrast

jesus reminding me what i am losing
in my mistakes
as i cling to the cross they crucify me on
the man that forces himself on me
a much bigger
more tangible one
than the god that told my father
it was okay
for him to come
stay

At my worst I am a deflated pillow, memory foam mattress, lifeless exhaustion with the imprint of human, I am the still-living outer layer of a decaying earth, this being is a hollowed oak tree
I am grounded for one night at fifteen and realize that I deserve a much longer sentence than given
I did too much holding the potential of harmful; the risks were not worth the high
I miss a life without knowing you existed

I am grounded for one night at fifteen and realize that I deserve a much longer sentence than given
Mistakes are made temporary with permanent consequences
I did too much holding the potential of harmful; the risks were not worth the high
Somehow I survived

Mistakes are made temporary with permanent consequences
I did too much holding the potential of harmful; the risks were not worth the high
Somehow I survived
At my worst I am a deflated pillow, memory foam mattress, lifeless exhaustion with the imprint of human, I am the still-living outer layer of a decaying earth, this being is a hollowed oak tree

whats wrong whats wrong whats wrong whats wrong whats wrong whats wrong whats wrong whats wrong whats wrong whats wrong whats wrong whats wrong whats wrong whats wrong whats wrong whats wrong whats wrong whats wrong whats wrong whats wrong whats wrong
oh!lots of things (she says this real quiet, not 
quite a whisper, and you wonder and think for a 
while about it
is she sad? you dont think even God knows,
or whoever made the World)
when I'm Old, I will create the world anew
sweeten flowers and trees and leafy things (or, 
or, or,
bury all the seeds,and wait a thousand years
for them to grow tall and big and Strong)
how dead are you how dead are you how dead are you how dead are you how dead are you how dead are you how dead are you how dead are you how dead are you how dead are you how dead are you how dead are you how dead are you how dead are you how dead are you
stamp something on it! make my death 
certificate official! i'm in love i'm in love i'm in 
love i'm in love!
she screams! and she thinks that finally, God, or 
whoever made the World, can hear her!
i'm going to put stickers on everything!
(you believe her)
and will the trees grow strong again? and will 
they breathe?
the forest is on fire, but
i think it's only in your mind
your teeth are missing your teeth are missing your teeth are missing your teeth are missing your teeth are missing your teeth are missing your teeth are missing your teeth are missing your teeth are missing your teeth are missing your teeth are missing your teeth are missing 
your teeth are missing your teeth are missing 
i believe you this time: she says, quiet but not 
as much as before
she is painting Doors and Walls and Ceilings, all 
in gold
gold on gold on gold on gold on gold
wow! are you a work of art? can i take you 
home?
do you want to go home? or, i guess,
do you want to go to the mountains or the sea 
or the forest or a lake or even the sky, maybe?
tell me, i'll take you there i promise! wherever
you want to go
free of charge.
- where is the boat going?
and she says, gosh! anywhere we want it to!

her spine
lay lengthwise
speed bumps for my
fingers
to carefully explore—
tracing out tattoos of a
satisfied itch
i mustn’t get too eager
idyllic in my state
sunken into my bed
and head into pillow
and my chest for hers
her cheek rides like
rolling whitecaps of the
ocean
upon my rising breast
her head is here
but her mind soars elsewhere
anchored in clouds of sleep
while i lay grounded
stroking across her back
staring at my
ceiling
drinking in all i can
with my finger tips
etching a route through
her spine

into you

atomized
every
signal caressed
infused
permeating
these primal fountains
roiling together
this great smiling heart
sun of our living impulse
seed of our being

into
our
depths

two into one
released

holy frequencies
together
dancing

me
into you

happily
headlong
spiraling