He does not know where it started
but, he knows it is here.
He does not know how long it has been around
but, he can not remember life without it.
He knows it is why he can't get out of bed
Why he can not make it outside
Why he lives in the dark and
why the sun hurts his eyes
He knows it is why his heart races,
his palms sweat,
Why he feels the world is judging him and
why he feels most alone surrounded by people
He knows it why he builds walls and burns bridges
why he pushes everyone away,
why he grows more distant
and turns people who love away
Why he can not look in the mirror
why he is ashamed of his body
why can not stand his appearance
and hopes no one can see him too
Why he can not be alone with his thoughts
cannot escape his demons
why the pills no longer have an effect
and why the alcohol just makes it worst
And it has been with him his long as he can remember even though
trauma, abuse, poverty were not there and even though love, support and understanding were

she clutches my aRm making the skin turn white, there's fire in hEr eyes she's yelling, i can't help but stAre like i just been stabbed the helpless Look in my eye, what is she saying, the sound comes back she's In tears now, asking Why? Why? Why? The answer is but, merelY one simple word that we often forget.

I cant do it again,
I only began to feel alive,
and it was so easy to pretend,
that everything you had forgotten was,
well.. temporary.
How could i not notice that you started to forget what i had said,
that repeating my self had become a common occurrence,
I cant do it again,
feeling as though my time with you,
was a heart machine i couldn’t view,
and when you flatlined,
i would fall to my knees,
but a prayer won’t save you,
god has no mercy,
I cant do it again,
I don’t want to dress in the color,
that absorbs happiness and hides emotion,
I don’t want to be encompassed by sunshine,
but feel darkness wherever I walk,
hear about you,
but not be able to see you,
see pictures of you,
but not be able to take one of you,
I cant do it again,
not only I had a wounded heart,
you didn’t just hop off the side of the boat,
but you sunk it,
with everyone waiting on the deck,
hoping that you would come back,
we all knew you had shot a hole,
in the side of the boat,
and as the water slowly inched its way,
from the bottom of our feet,
all the way,
above our heads,
we stayed standing strong,
holding each others hands,
as silence and sadness ,
greif and worry,
flooded our minds,
but don’t worry we survived,
we remember your story ,
every day,
constantly living in your memory,
even though you couldn’t,
but i cant go through it again,
I cant go to school every day,
waiting for a call to the office,
hopping they won’t have anything important to say,
because that would mean it was all ok,
but silently hoping the day had come,
because that day all your suffering would end,
and you’d go into the white light,
see your mom and all your friends,
but if there is one thing i know for sure,
is that I can not do it again.

Save me, oh, save me
Don't you see I'm hurting?
Save me, oh, save me
Help me lift this burden

My heart is hurting
My wings are broken
My sky has darkened
And death lays sparkling

Where were you when I needed you ?
Where are the promises that you told me?
Where is my knight in shining armor ?
Where is the life promise with glamour?

But you lied
The hope I had died
So I reach deep inside
And finally realized
That it's only me that can save me
Only me that can Lead me where I need to me

So I no longer cry save me
For I know now
It's only I who can save me