People ask if i am a ******
I say yes, i am waiting for marriage
I hear "good for you"
or "dude you gotta get laid"
still, a part of me doesn't believe what i say
Everyone has there Thorn?
i mean who hasn't looked at ****
but where does it stop
I have Never had ***
but i had a sick addiction
Filled by this simple prescription
Every night i ****** that ******* the little screen that taught me she was merely a possesion
I Just typed in those 3 letters
and it became an obsession
A black hole
Ripping apart time and space
Not even light would escape
And the only thing that mattered
Was me
Me, and that thing on the screen who nobody wanted to be
An object
Like a silly little toy
For those ****** up little boys
Who after batting you around
And shoving you in the ground
Just cram you back in that chest at the end of there bed
Like a ratty stuffed bear
No Love, No soft touch, no sweet embrace
I didn't even have to care
Why would I?
How could I?
You were just a wave of photons collapsing in my eye
to come and go as i pleased
projected from that ***** little screen
You were just a *****
to me
and not anything more.
In a place where i was supposed to have the deepest most intense connection
I would replicate with meaningless, emotionless self satisfaction
i would sow seeds of my own destruction every time i opened that link
where i was made to feel love and joy, i would only sink
becoming tangled in emptiness, i was lost, i was dying
like a bird drowning in a sea of stone
where no one would think to find me
No light would be shed on this pathetic part of my life
A life of darkness in that room where my face glows
and my pupils dilate
My fate slips from sight as i separate
Body from soul
I see myself Mindlessly staring at that dark light
It was a drug, My sick Addiction
I wasn't even trying to Fight
It consumed my Thoughts, took me from above
dissolving my capability to love
I tried to run
I didn't think
That without His hand
I will always sink
Back into that creaky chair
Where this beautiful creation of God, this person, this human being
Just becomes one of my daily rituals, self fulfilled
She becomes just a thing

In short, if i gave an honest answer, i am not a ******.

I used to think you were beautiful
The way you moved when you danced
Was a sight to be seen by angels
The way you burst into abrupt laughter at your own jokes
Was the most inspirational way someone has told me
That life was the real joke and its best to just laugh
Oh and the way you pressed your face against a person to kiss them
Like you just couldnt get close enough.
But then you told me all the things you've done
All the people you've ****** over
All the times you ****** up bad
And got ****** up bad...
I used to think you were beautiful
But now i know its not that simple
Its something real
Real in the way
I could be that person you **** over
I could be something you **** up bad
Or be the person you get ****** up bad with
But more than that
I could be the one you danced with
I could be the one you laugh with
I could be the one you kiss.
You were something real and tangible in that moment
And that was the most beautiful person i have ever seen

I am sorry.
I am sorry I laid with you in a bed that was not yours
Even though there was a man waiting for you to come home
I am sorry I stepped between you and him on a path that was not my own
On the path of man that you told you loved
I am sorry, with my arms around you, you opened your eyes
And with both pleasure and grief, you looked into mine
I am sorry I was on your mind
All the while you were on his
It was not my place
It was not my right
But
I am not sorry that I kissed you
And when I close my eyes I can still taste you lips on mine
I am not sorry that I held you tight all through that blessed night
With the passion of a young lover and no intent to let go
I am not sorry that I wooed you with my kindness and love
And when we woke, your face shined brighter than the sun
I am not sorry that it felt right
And perhaps
In another place
At another time
We both wouldn't mind.

Down the rabbit hole
is a mysterious place
with darkness and light
all you need is a taste
you see what you want
believe what you want
and believe it or not
you are always on the hunt
for pain, for pleasure
for love or hate
you can run through the flowers
or just sit back and sedate
everyone is there
everyone you know
you can just stand and watch
or get up and go
down the rabbit hole
is a mysterious place
to get there all you must do
is open your front door
and be prepared
to travel through time and space

It was that time of day
Just before the sky burst into its mystical array of oranges, reds and, purples.
Where the wind seemed to endlessly rustle through the tree
A white noise to calm the mind
You could see only then tallest blades of green grass
Dandelions
Daisies
Twitch and vibrate like the stings on a guitar
Recently plucked and left to make their resonant hum
When you stared off into the light haze covering the mountains in the distance it seemed as if there were a thousand tiny creatures dancing and celebrating all around you
It was that time of day
Where you started to feel a slight chill come over you but when you sat up just straight enough
For just long enough
Faced the quickly descending sun
And closed your eyes
You could feel each and every Ray of light
Kissing and caressing your skin
Warming you from the inside out
And you hear a silence fall over the trees as they cease conversation for only a moment
An ominous silence
Just before a gust of wind sweeps over the hillside and cools you back down
It was that time of day where
What little clouds the sky held
Went from the darkest gray
Where the sun would not shine on them
To the perfect combination of gold and white
Where he kissed them goodnight before his final decent behind the seemingly translucent mountains
Where the trails left by the airplanes
Full of homesickness and wanderlust
And the sky that guided
Seemed to separate almost as if you could just reach your hand up and grab them
And it was this time of day
The sun grazing on the peaks of the mountains  
The sky starting to explode into all of its hidden colors
Where you can hear the touch of lovers all around you as they slide closer and closer and closer
While the darkness starts to creep up from the sky behind
You take a deep breath and let your hand fall open
You feel what seems to be he last gust of wind roll between each of your fingers as if something was missing
Maybe A hand
Maybe a heart
and it was doing its damnedest to fill it
Where you realize you are truly alone
And you have never felt more at peace.

whatever…
whatever is a big word
whatever can mean the world
whatever can change a life
whatever can be whatever you like
whatever can be a dangerous phrase
whatever can be 3 syllables that ruin your day
but… whatever