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Tee Jay Jun 2014
No.
No crying.
Not this time.

Your face will not be tear-streaked.
Your nose will not get runny.

You will smile.
You will act like it's ok.

It is ok, right?
Just words, right?

You will wait---oh yep, you're fine.
You can be weak no longer.

You are a warrior, right?
Warriors don't cry at simple words.

You will put up your barrier.
Nothing can break it down.

You will not break down this time.
You will go on as if nothing happened.
Tee Jay May 2014
Algebraic equations
and English lessons.
Another world war
and gene expression.

"You'll need this in life"
teachers lie to us all.
Get good grades
and don't get pushed around the halls.

School is jail.
They keep us locked up.
Our parents leave us for the day,
a small promise of safety is enough.
Eh. I have to have a collection of poems for English class. This is the first one.
  May 2014 Tee Jay
MS Lynch
I’m sorry if my body fat
triggers feelings of disgust in you,
but I hope you’re ready
because I’m about to shoot the gun.
Please, don’t feed the fat girl in a bikini on the beach.
My skin is not an insult, a statement, an apology,
or something to be picked and pulled apart
by your crisp magazine pages.
I refuse to cry over the pale white lines that show I
have blossomed from a child into a wide-hipped woman.
I don’t need a man to tell me that my body is acceptable,
merely by his standards of what his ******* rises for.
I’m sorry if my life makes me happy, and your life makes you not,
but I choose weight over senseless standards because
I can be beautiful with double-digit-sized pants.
Maybe you are uncomfortable with your
own uncomfortableness and with my
security in my flawed skin.
And although many of my “sorry(’s)” in this passage
are sarcastic, I am genuinely sorry that someone can feel
so negative in the only space that will ever truly be their own.
Please, don’t feed the fat girl in a bikini on the beach,
she does not need bitter and hateful words
that will literally eat away at her.
She’d much rather you go find someone
who actually gives a ****.
  May 2014 Tee Jay
meg
this is not some love story
a boy will not come and save you and he will not kiss the scars on your thighs.

this is not a movie
someone isn't going to save you from your demons,
or think your illness and addiction is beautiful.

this is not a fairytale
you will not save yourself from the voices,
or the jabbing pain in your stomach
or the shaking of your body for that quick release.

this is real life
and nothing will save you except for the pills that the doctors put you on that helps you with your mood swings, and unwillingness to get out if bed every morning.  

this is not poetry.

self harm scars are not lovely.
sadness is not beautiful.
and demons are not glorious.
stop trying to make mental illness a great thing to have.
so if you glorify self harm and sadness, stop being a ******* ******* because it isn't ******* beautiful.

nothing is beautiful about voices in your mind that tell you to take a blade to your skin, and nothing is beautiful about morning rolling around and you contemplate being "sick", or jumping out into traffic just in time to get hit by a bus just so you can escape life.
this is not beautiful.
Tee Jay May 2014
"I ate a big breakfast"
he persuades them
that he is
not hungry.
He will not,
can not
eat.
He's lasted
so long.
26 days.
Not a morsel
of food
has passed
his lips
in 26 days.
Water is
and always
will be
the only substance
to enter
his body.

They ask when
he ate last.
"Earlier."
He lies.
They can
see it in his eyes,
see right through
the lies.

They give
him a plate.
They sit
and watch
as he
pushes the
food around.

His mind,
the demons,
are attacking him
Don't eat it
You'll get fat
Don't

He notices
the demeaning stares.
He picks up the fork,
full of food.
He shoves it
into his mouth.
A disturbing,
yet lovely
sensation
crosses his tongue.
He is able to
expertly hide
the disgust and
horror from
creeping onto
his face.
He sits
with the food
in his mouth.
It's almost
as if
he had
forgotten
how to eat.

Slowly,
he chews
and forces
the food
down his throat.
He swore
this would
never happen.

He chokes down
a few more bites
and indicates
he is full.
They look pleased
and let him go.

He immediately
runs to
the bathroom.
He empties
the contents
of his
newly full
stomach.

He stands up,
a bit lightheaded.
The dizziness
takes over him.
He stumbles and
hits the wall
of the stall.
He quickly
leaves and
pops a piece
of minty gum
into his mouth.

He walks out,
right into
their stares.
They just
let it go.

He puts on
his fake smile
as he turns and
walks out.

Not a word
was said
about it
after that day.

Not a word
came out of
his mouth
after that night.
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