Some nights I would imagine us
Living happily in a home in the suburb
With our wedding rings secured
On our left hands

Some nights I would imagine us
Having breakfast together, just us
A meal we both cooked
And probably burned a bit

Some nights I would imagine us
With out bodies entwined on our bed
Fast asleep after a time of intimacy
Skin on skin, heart to heart

Some nights I would imagine us
Kissing in the rain
Letting loose all the pain
As we felt the cool droplets splash

Some nights I would imagine us
At a hospital, exchanging places
On who would be on the hospital bed
And what we would say, our last goodbyes

Some nights I would imagine us
If one of us died
What would the other one do?
Wait for the end or fill in the gap?

Some nights I would imagine us
Having at least two kids
They would love us as parents
We'd raise them to be great

Some nights I would imagine us
If there would never be an us
How we would end up with others
And just go our separate ways

Some nights I would imagine us
And all the possible outcomes
Both if we'd be together or not
And that "some night" is tonight

I went through the sidewalk on Pedro Gil and Taft
The blaring red and green traffic lights
Sort of obscured the view through my spectacles
In the early Manila evening

The smell of cancer in the air
Complimented the noise of the jeeps
That raced through the intersection
As the sun slowly sunk at the sight of the moon

I saw faces less and less
As the broken street lamps flickered
Some people were minding their own business
Others shouted and laughed in the street

I saw people gripping onto their bags
Like they gripped onto their lives, because the city is never safe
Especially at the dusk
Where all the thieves come out to play

The noise may reach above heaven
And the air may be as ***** as the sewers
But there is no other place
That I would consider home

I spent my days staring at her
Contemplating her beauty
Missing lessons left and right
Failing quizzes and the like

I used my spare time thinking about her
Us having picnics on hills
Staring lovingly into her eyes
Her face radiating in the sunlight

I imagined our waking hours
In our house by the beach
Opening our eyes so sluggishly
Exchanging smiles, her and me

I stopped daydreaming and thought
Of the dark reality
I imagined all the way
And let her slip away

Oh look at all that burning passion.
You can feel the heat it brings
As it dances around
Illuminating the room

What magic started this fire?
I ask as the flame dances
It grows hotter
As I try to find it's source

I then remember
That the flame
Started out as
*Sparks

Every time I think of suicide, I write a poem.
My writing is what keeps me sane
I've gotten this far, so I'll keep on going.

My writing, my writing,
Thank you so.
For without you this one would not be written

Each time there is a blade softly pressed against my skin,
I put it down and write about this ******* I'm in
It keeps me alive, but keeps me sad.

I think I'm depressed, maybe I'm not,
Maybe I just want out.
Out of this life, out of this world, out of everything now.

If you hate me, I hate you too,
But nobody hates me more than myself.
I've known myself too long to love me.