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Bleurose Dec 2018
I was not made to be broken.

Despite everything I have fought tooth and nail to be here and I am scarred, bruised, limping and screaming fire.

I will not fall but I know I will, and it will be for love because I am a fool. I cannot love that which loves me - I get bored. anxious. wounded. I wish I could have stayed. So many times. So many times have I screamed for me to just be ok with what I have.

Yet I never was, so I burned it and ran before it burned me. My anxiety for possible destruction is what destroyed the life I had. Maybe I miss it sometimes but it was lacking, lacking for the submission and ambition I crave so desperately and yet can never achieve because of my nature.

I run towards more fire and I don't know if I can survive. I truly am weak to it. I need to fix myself and I am trying but I need help. Even if I did, I could never go back, even if I wanted to.

If this is your curse to me, combined with hers, then alright.

I deserve this.

and I will fall.

again.
I wish I could just fade away, I really do.
Bleurose Jun 2018
I've never been ok
and I'm calling out
frantically reaching
(what do you want me to do?!)
(you should know you should know!)

I should reach for you
but I don't want to drag you down.
But I already have as you cling
clinging and shackling a whirling mess of a child.
I can't lose you, you matter - you matter so much.

I'm sick.
But you keep me whole
The love I have is complex and not what you need.
Yet here you are- you sweet pitiful thing.
I wrote this during a panic attack and i thought it was worth a publish.
  May 2018 Bleurose
Seán Mac Falls
.
Lovers entered a forbidden forest bower,
And as they stalked that range, with eyes glazed,
She offered up her hind. Now, with doe eyes,
Deep as his, deep in arousal's sleep, heels fell,
As he knocked and pulled her dark honey hair
And whispered, surrender, into wanting ears,
Softly he drove his hunting command, homing
To his huntress.

Her body braced, yet bade, with heat and vibrance.
Ruthlessly, he ****** his arrow deeper and then
Once more and then again.  She bucked fiercely
And defiant, goading his prodding lance ever more
Ever longer, and parting the pink lines of her white
Rose, he was, and once again, Prince to the dark
Dominion of her quarters.

In the middle of this carnal match they paused.
And looking into the forest beyond they saw
A yearling fawn, a feral Goddess, grazing still,
Bathing in a vale, virginal, wholly unmoved
By their act of venery, lustfully playing, in the innocent
Leaves.  It was as if they were among her kin, a gentle
Doe and a noble stag. From that moment on
The human hunters did not speak.

Falling, again, rolling eyes were deep in arousal's sleep.
Her back was a crescent moon pocked and wet with dew.
He could feel her heart beating in time with his piercing
Prong, her arching back glistened in the suns spittle
As it broke through the dark and vernal ceiling wood.

In the final shot her quivering buck lowered and broke
And a sound not heard, made a scene, a sweet murmuring
Shuddered and sank onto the floor of the forest leaves
With her tale, taken and told, her breathless breath,
Her nostrils cold and her heated and lanced openings
Dripping, draining; here was a New World’s beginning.

Sated, solemn and softly quaking, his woman sweetly laid,
And now, doomed with her doe eyes, two lovers, fated, made;
She glowed, divine, like the rolling brook that mellowed
Slow, in the vine-dark and golden forest stable,
In Artemis’s wood.
.
In the classical period of Greek mythology, Artemis was often described as the daughter of Zeus and Leto, and the twin sister of Apollo. She was the Hellenic goddess of the hunt, wild animals, wilderness, childbirth, virginity and protector of young girls, bringing and relieving disease in women; she often was depicted as a huntress carrying a bow and arrows. The deer and the cypress were sacred to her.
.
Bleurose May 2018
While I may act as many, I am merely one just trying to fight for those who I see as defenceless.

I am not a shining example and
Many mock me and portray me as foolish, but I am not your scapegoat for hatred or ignorance - though if I must be, I will.

I know I'm worth more.

Filled with rage, hatred and passion, I march with my banner;  proud, scarred, strong.

I speak with the voices that chose to add theirs to mine so that others might hear. I amplify the quietest souls - and I learn from them.

I shine with their power, I've given myself over.

My purpose now, is them.
I wrote this when I was Welfare,Equality and Diversity officer at my college. I fought for what I could fiercely.

This fire isn't as constant any more, but it very easily flares up. This isn't my purpose anymore but, I will always do what I can for this community.
Bleurose May 2018
I can't help but feel so used by you.
I loved you, looked up to you and followed your every footstep.

You taught me so much and yet you... dismiss my steps forward. You still see me only as the child that first stepped into the Guild with wide eyes and a broken mind.

I've hurt you yes, perhaps I should stop hoping you see past that, if it even is that. But you've been this way for as long as I remember, so what did I do?

Seeing me for the first time as Alex...
May have shocked you?
But we were inseparable once -
I'm still the same... or are you just bored of me?

Did you forget? My heart didn't.

But I suppose...

it was nice..

pretending.
I still miss you around Ry-bat, and I keep seeing you in the places I go - but I know it isn't you. Even if it was, its not like you would care.

This is a poem about my ex moirail, and mentor when I first came to the Guild in college - a group of nerds I found sanctuary with.
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