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 Dec 2015 lionness
Sara Jones
Day 1: I want to tear my skin off. My heart is beating so fast i can barley breathe. I feel so filthy.
Day 2: I can't believe this. I don't want to be here. Why did this happen? Why did I let this happen?
Day 5: I guess I drank too much and my friends were to drunk to stop me.
Day 10: I can't face my friends, I can't live my life.
Week 3: No one knows. He hasn't said a word.
Week 6: It happened again, I was sleeping and he did it again. Why did I stay the night? Why didn't I go straight home?
Week 7: He left and kissed me goodbye. I don't know how to feel.
Week 10: My life's out of control, I can't believe whats happening.
Month 5: My boyfriend knows. But not all details. Just thinking about it, makes me want to take a shower.
Month 8: I finally came clean to my friends. They're appalled. They hate him now. I still feel filthy. I can't get his smell off my body still.
Month 11: The anniversary is soon. What am I going to do?
Year 1: I haven't spoken to him in months. I haven't thought about it in days. I still feel as if hes on top of me, why can't I wash him away?

Its an uphill battle with myself and others. Some days I can't get out of bed or even feel like breathing.
But I try not to let him get to me. Because if he sees my weakness from what hes done,
He's won.
 Dec 2015 lionness
Gareth
She Lies all the time,
another night of no sleep
ten years of life lost
 Dec 2015 lionness
Max Eastman
DEATH is more tranquil than the life of love,
More calm, more sure, and more unanguished.
the path among the trees is far more tranquil to the dead
Than to these anxious hearts, uptroubled from their beds,
Who pace in pallid darkness on the leaves,
For no good reason--for no reason
But because their limbs will not lie still upon the sheet.
Their limbs will not lie still. how I pity them.
Sad hearts--their marrow is a-quiver,
And they can not lie them down in tranquil sadness like the dead.
 Dec 2015 lionness
fifi S
My sleep has left me
As I lay beneath the moon
The lone wolf watches


js/2015
A sleepless night made me get up and write this,  now I can go back to sleep!
 Dec 2015 lionness
brixton bell
the taste of gunpowder on his tongue as the night tangled around us like sheets: & so we hung, from the stars, as diamonds. His touch was new & like nothing i had known. (it made me feel alive again.) He is fragile flower petals, the burning soul of a constellation.

we will wait for snow, he says, & i know somewhere inside. For i remember the winter night; some three hundred days ago. i wore mittens - hand stitched blue- everyday that frozen month.
They said he wasn't there. he had gone home, 'for the holidays.' & so i left. tiny steps down the sidewalk, frosted like a brilliant glowing cake.

Alone that night i drove the long way there- that cemetery where you sleep now. (He misses you so much.) And you waited, said hello, & i wanted to cry. A blanket of snow, we talked of stories and i know. You miss him too. We were together, then. That candy cane night.
brixtonbell.com
 Sep 2013 lionness
AJ
relapse
 Sep 2013 lionness
AJ
my breathing is shallow
my hands have started to shake
my feet won't stop tapping
my thighs have begun to ache
for the pain they know oh-so well
my body wants for the sweet little lies the blade tells
i know i should want nothing to do with this ****
but like a ****** i'm longing for just one more hit
i'm trembling and screaming and starting to cry
nobody knows just how much i want to die
i'm fighting my body, and my body fights back
and mind is constantly under attack
insecurities slowly eat at my brain
and my anxieties are driving me insane
i don't know what to do, i need to get out
i scream for help, but no one hears me shout
listen to me, please, don't walk away
but like the boy who cried wolf, they don't believe what i say
my thighs are still aching
my feet can't stop tapping
i'm already shaking
and everyone's clapping
they applaud for my pain
my flaws keep them entertained
isn't is neat? isn't it fun?
isn't it great to see a girl holding a gun
to her head and a knife to her thigh?
everyone laughs, while i whisper goodbye
 Sep 2013 lionness
Asphyxiophilia
If every button on your blouse and jeans
Were the knobs of the doors
Of the Budget Inn
I would wrap my hand around them forcefully
And twist and turn until
I finally gained entry.
And if the unwashed comforters
That cover the soiled beds
Were your eager lips
I would jump into them
Until the stains left by other lovers
Made their mark on my skin
In the form of broken blood vessels
And residual lipstick.
And if the thin pages of the
Dust-covered bible tucked into the nightstand
Were every word you whispered
Before sinking your teeth into my skin
I would rip out every page
And paste them over the peeling wallpaper
So that I would be able to read them
Again and again and again
Until I finally believed
That more than failed religion
Could bring me to my knees.
 Aug 2013 lionness
Asphyxiophilia
OCD
I never suspected I had OCD
Until I replayed your voicemail
On the answering machine
A total of twelve times
Every evening
Just to hear your voice again
Or until I opened your dresser drawer
Thirty times
Before I went to bed
Just so I could smell
Your leftover scent
Wafting into the air
Or until I rearranged my shoes
In the closet four times
Before I left the house
Because you hated tripping over them
On your way out
But I knew I didn't have OCD
When I finally locked the door
And turned off the light
And made the bed on your side
For the very last time.
Inspired by the OCD poem performed by Neil Hilborn.
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