All I have to do is touch your
A, B, C, D or G spot more likely than not,
like simulation, a fake dive, fifty shades,
it seems to be too easy to gain accolades.

Credit where credit is due, I love you too,
I don't like engineered repetition,
lack of imagination, cashing in on a ride,
don't be incredulous at the unstoppable tide.

All's fair they say in love and poetry,
but there should be limits it seems to me
that we're lacking a little mystery,
where's your raw talent - lost so easily.

We don't all want to get too impressed,
because even you out there may not know what's best.

When all seems lost - take stock of everything,
there was a way which positive thinking might bring,
black became green, red became yellow and said hello,
God looked after you and monitored all you might do;

If you adjust your mindset you can gain success,
It's like a business seminar when more doesn't become less,
you see the guy standing there - saying: 'Yes, I was
like you once - suspicious, wary - solutions were scary.'

Do you know where your going to? Answers may vary -
so you took all these pearls of wisdom and then some,
and waited for manna from heaven, nirvana to come,
not always but sometimes fortune drifted into your kingdom.

Don't despair, help is at hand by strange means or fair,
whichever way it comes after all, someone does care.

Some may have stood here better than me,
there were winners and losers fading history,
some were so good - they brought a tear,
they brought laughter, beauty to everyone here.

I've tried to keep up, tried to go beyond,
amazing what comes when you wave your magic wand,
stardust becomes a must - something you can trust,
the result may not always be right but just.

Strangely fair that you should arrive at a solution,
in the beginning there was light beyond evolution;
I salute my fellow writers, their determination,
their bravado pursuing heights for so long.

I am with you - will be forever, you know me,
and one day you may achieve immortality.

I read the personal ads in the Indian magazine,
people looking for partners like a king and a queen,
the men are always handsome, ladies with gsoh,
how attractive they all were was just a rumour.

I replied to one which I thought might be fun,
we both agreed to meet to see what could be done:
She said, 'Your white, not brown.'
I said, 'That you must look lovely with your hair down.'

She asked: 'Do you speak Hindi, Tamil or Punjabi?'
I said, 'No, but you're speaking English - that's all I need to know,'
She asked, 'Do you own a house, have a good job and a car?'
I said, 'Yes,' to all but there was no bar.

We went for a ride in the country: We said, 'Yours or mine.'
We knew that it was best if we tried them one at a time.

Thanks to ayurvedic treatment my hair has grown long,
as I'm so successful, the products can't be wrong,
when I make love, my hair is as long as the bed,
just as wide - my suitors are attentive and easily led.

They said that they could imagine my hair spread
out on a pillow which vanshed below my good head,
we don't need a blanket - we just cover our skin,
musn't forget to remove my clips before we begin.

It has actually become an aid for great pleasure,
maybe even more lustrous, the next time I measure,
I can twine and  bind just about anything nearby,
there was so much magic - I didn't even have to try.

When I finally cut which may be my partner's decision,
someone else can go to bed with a beautiful extension!

A man named Skinner came to dinner,
with knife poised to attack any so-called sinner,
where did his acerbic attitude come from I wonder,
it was not fair that he should cast any man asunder.

To be frank, he was the one who should work harder,
then, there may be more pleasantries stocked in his larder,
perhaps a change of heart is beyond some of us,
but if you don't - we won't let you on the bus.

We won't let you have any credibility,
until you gain some compassion and humility,
put your silly knife away described as fun,
otherwise we'll lock you up in the Tower of London.

You don't deserve accolades with your set of blades,
We won't waste our time as your pathetic memory fades.

'I'm going to run away Miss - I'm taking
a t-shirt and a pound of ham with me,'
he wanted his dad, how very sad - that
little boy was barely a lad, treated bad.

My dad said that I shouldn't show anyone
my private parts, only my sister saw me,
she said: 'What's that?' I said: 'It's my *****,'
'It's got a hat on and looks so silly.'

'Where's daddy gone?' 'He's in heaven Billy,'
'Do they have a pub there?' 'No, only holy water,'
'Where do babies come from? Does the stork
bring them, is that why they have a big beak?'

'He hit me in the 'smalls' Miss, and that
boy who smells said that he wants to give me a kiss.