And so she edited herself
to forgive herself.

Because I failed to fit into the boarder lines of society I am an outlaw.
I color my skin in 50 shades of make up, what they dont know is that what they see is 50 shades of pain, 50 shades of ****** up, 50 shades of death under the moonlight,

As I  lay by the beach side death caresses my skin, we lay side by side.
watching the sun set, we talk about the future, horror stories that lay beyond the horizon.
beautiful shades of red that the world is yet to see.

I edit my skin because I wish that life would take a second glance at me... these emotions I go through, these smiles, cries and whatever I do to seem human are my 50 shades of pain.

We are all going to die.
We are all going to be forgotten.
It doesn't matter if your grave is six feet deep and three feet wide,
Or if your body was slung over the side,
of a boat in motion
from hands devoid of emotion
We all end up just the same.
Decayed and rotten.
Forgotten.
If that isn't Equality,
I don't know what is.

You can feel it,but you can't stop it.
         You give too much but no one will catch it but the ground.
                 Maybe some people will catch a few raindrops,
                   but at the end they will also throw it away.
               0          0               0                 0                 0
                      0              0              0          ­      0                      
                                 0            0           0        0         0    0
                      0      0           0      0                0        0
              0           0         0                0       0         0         0
                      0           0         0      0       0       0       0        0

Have you ever held your hand still
Just above a river’s passing water
Liquid rushing by reaching for your skin
Jumping up; eager to commune with you
Beckoning you to dip a finger in

I have a girl now
she is
beautiful, really
she's smart and she
laughs
and she calls all my bluffs

I have her now
she has me too
so it's fair
if you ask her or me

I have a girl now
and I smile because well
I'm  happy
she says
she's happy too

I have my girl
and I've lost my girl
though I have her now
so I smile

At night, only sometimes,
and maybe I'm drunk
I look for her
for my girl

but I'm drunk
so I smile
and smile
and I smile
and grin ear to ear
and smile
(so I think)
as I smile
and grit all my teeth
and grin all the while

Words are always
Rearranged and rearranged
Scrambling
Manipulating words
Stating with conviction, firm
Purpose esteemed from my own heart
With no promise of anything to be earned
Sometimes my words are just for me
Unless others can similarly see
What I am trying to convey
For you to come with me
And stay

To portray alternate meanings
To explain our feelings
Words just come and go
As long as they make sense,
I suppose
Poems that could make sense to
No one else
Give meaning to myself
I shape the sentences in my own way
The things I can never actually say
Writing the words of my desires
Or just simply writing because I am tired
Sometimes I feel alone,
Just me, here,
One
Or my mind just wants to run,
Away without time to think
And my heart begins to sink
But these poems are a definition
Of me
Words that I have crafted
Within all the letters scattered
Upon the sea
At times I write with no clear direction
Or I choose carefully with painstaking
Selection

It is beyond me
How letters can transform
Into words, so free
Scrambling
I find it like some sort of game
How can I force my words without sounding
Lame
Sometimes I feel so loved
You, me, we
And I write to confess
That with you
I never feel anything less
And I state my fears
That one day I wake up
And you won’t be here

Poetry is my cries
The way I question all the whys
In life I perceive
All it takes is for you to
Believe
In the words that you read
And your soul can be freed
Scrambling
Like the rearrangement of words
Till you find some sort of meaning
Poetry makes life so less
Absurd
With simple rearrangement of
Words