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To be a friend your goal is not to follow nor to be civil.
To be a friend is to be the most genuine part of yourself.
If you were a friend, you would not have taken
my words and mold them into what you tried to remake as your story.
If you were a friend you would have let me keep the most
genuine part of myself.
If you were a friend, even a person, if that at all,
you would have let me keep the angel that was never to be yours.
My angel that was never to be inside of you.

If you were a human,
you should have fixated yourself on something
other than my promising beginning.
If you had not lost your
humanity (long ago),
you'd be so much more than you are
perceived.
Yet you are as told,
words leftover of an
envious soul.
And here you are once again,
heart left torn out
because your legs fell a bit too obtuse
.
 Dec 2015 Tasia Howard
ryan
Lust.
 Dec 2015 Tasia Howard
ryan
There's something about dark mornings,
That make kissing so exquisite,
and how my hands reach for your curves,
Like you are air,
and my lungs are starved of it,
I can't wait to touch you,
Breathe life into your neck,
and watch your legs part,
Because you can't resist,
How much I love you
How much I need you,
Because you can't resist,
Being **Mine
You were only shown pain
Don't give yourself pain.
Dedicated to self harmers.
Her Masterpiece Is Her Story

Her paintbrush is a razor,
Her canvas, her wrists,
"I deserve the pain."
She shrugs and insists.

One day the brush will push down,
And it will cut so deep,
That this girl will fall
into an eternal sleep.

She doesn't remember how she started
What brought her interest to this,
How do you discover,
that cutting is your form of bliss?

No one would have guessed that she does it.
No one would have considered this one.
This girl is forever fighting a battle,
that she thinks the demons have won.

Her artwork is all over her,
Her beauty is on her thighs,
and if you look in her old trash,
you'll find her letters of goodbye.

Her masterpiece is quite disturbing,
Her masterpiece is a little gory,
Her artwork is her escape.
Let me tell you her story.

She compares herself to every person,
She is compared to each girl.
She thinks she's hideous,
And there's this boy that is her world.

She was bullied and picked on,
She was teased from head to toe,
Hard to believe that her best friend,
was her one and only foe.

Then later she disliked every little thing,
Her body, face and even her mind,
Soon she saw she was a failure,
and it was just in due time...

That this girl couldn't take it anymore
She'd decided she was done living this,
So one day she went home
and decided to end it.

Everyday for multiple days,
This girl would try to drown,
Hard to believe this girl at school,
never ever wore a frown.

Sometimes she'd just fall asleep crying,
Praying that she'd be enough,
Because she didn't want to leave her family.
She knew about their sweet love.

This girl found hope in small things eventually,
She soon would see this beautiful light,
and find a REAL best friend,
that helped her put up a fight.

Her masterpiece soon was leaving,
Her artwork was almost faded,
and it gave her a sick feeling,
the feeling of being jaded.

She found a boy that actually loved her,
And showed her love exists,
And this boy too had a masterpiece,
placed close to his wrists.

He related to her and she related to him.
She kissed his artwork and said he's not alone,
When she cut herself it hurt him,
Her masterpiece now wasn't just her own.

Her masterpiece effected others,
Her artwork wasn't just for herself,
She now had people,
who saw her cries for help.

And then her family found out,
So then they saw the art too,
to them they were just scars,
To her they were the truth.

She's trying to be okay now,
She thinks she might survive,
Even though they didn't think
to take away the knives.
This poem gets to me deeply.
 Dec 2015 Tasia Howard
Rj
You shouldn't fall in love with me
Because in the beginning,
I'll be swaying back and forth
Won't be sure if the leap is worth it
And you'll be mad, that I'm wavering
You shouldn't fall in love with me
I'll want to go really really slow,
Like a turtles pace slow
And then I'll want to speed the hell up
And then go really really slow
And then, if for some reason,
You're still sticking around,
Then I'll become fully comfortable
Most likely
But then again no ones ever let me get to that point and I don't blame them. But I mean can you blame me for being cautious with a past like mine? Haha, but this isn't directed at anyone really. It's more to any future people I guess
I thought about driving my car into a tree tonight
these words in my head, when they come out they don't come out right
i wish i had the guts to ask you if you still love me
or if you ever loved me
you don't know what you do to me
i wonder if you did, would you want anything to do with me?
If it seems the words I write don't make sense
If it seems I'm a million miles away, right in front of your face
I'm sorry
There's no words I can write
To let you know how I feel
There's no closer I can be
To make my touch feel real
 Dec 2015 Tasia Howard
Rj
Bedsheets
 Dec 2015 Tasia Howard
Rj
My bedsheets are soaked in memories and emotions
A stain of blood there, some drips of tears there,
A warm imprint of people who once held each other there
I put them in the wash, but they don't seem to come out
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