Who else just isn’t in the Christmas spirit this year???

I’ve grown, I’ve learned, I’ve gained, I’ve lost...... I’ve hurt, I’ve changed but still have the same thoughts. “It’s me!!!!” I scream. “It’s me, can’t you see! It’s me! I’m still the same!” But to lie about who I am now is pointless cause I have nothing to gain. No love or friends cause January 2019 was supposed to be new. And February, oh February. February is when I lost you. March brought more rain. April, May and June brought pain. Crazy cause in June I had a birthday. July made me cry. August I still whipped my eyes. September again brought me bad times. October and November I know I longed for love and my wish never came true. Now December’s here I’m broken and have nothing to fear. So much so that I know I have nothing to lose. What a year I’ve had but to say I’d change it all would be crazy, simple because it all makes me who I am and that’s the one thing through this year and all the others that I’ll always remember. “It’s me!”.....”it’s still..... me.

I am alone

And the sun sat.... when it did it felt like my eyes were closed. Felt like my back had been turned or I was in a dark room with no windows. Heart beating outta my chest. My hands could flow a river. Body tense. Legs weak. But I still remember. The day before we were together. And the day before that too. Where did it all go wrong? I wish It hadn’t cause now I have to sleep without you. I could comfort myself if I wanted to but it just wouldn’t be the same and you don’t even understand the pain that comes from hearing your name. Time heals all but I really just wanna make it stop cause it just keeps going and I’m stuck with all the things that come with not. Not having you here. Not seeing you. Not being able to smell your breath in the morning time. I really got use to all those things and now i have to relearn not having you around. But is it the same for you? I miss you so **** much.  This hurt that I feel is so unreal. Maybe it’s a dream please wake me up. No phone call no text you ain’t even trying to come back this way and even though I’m hurt I’d still take you back with open arms any day...... guess I’m just stuck daydreamin y’all....

I can’t express my love for you even though you’ve moved on and I have too
I miss you I’m not gone lie
It just hurts that I never really got to say goodbye
We had a fight with harsh words and **** they hurt
I said things and you said things with the intention to hurt
But ion even care about the words you said.....I just want you here
....we were **** good friends.....