There's a movie playing in the background
While I scroll through the perfect words
Someone else has figured out
And woven together on a string
A necklace I wish I wore
An anchor to hold me in place
A weight that I've been carrying
But couldn't see
Until they showed me it was there

The scenes in the movie echo my imaginings
For a love I don't own
For a life I only have
In those moments just before I wake
In the seconds when my eyes
Are closed tight

Hot tears break through
No longer floating on a daydream
I crash back to a reality of jagged truths
That only draws more grief
From a place I told my heart
To hide from me

But I chose the movie
And I chose the words
To distract me and tether me
To anything but the thought of you
And what I want
And what I don't have
And what I can't have

Still here I am
Drowning in my loneliness
In a fantasy I should let go of
Before it drags me beneath the violent sea

I'm searching for a way to love you
That honors how I should love myself
Confronted with the distressing thought
That I would lift you above the waves
While I let myself sink deeper

Some part of me screams
That's how it should be
So the salt dries on my cheeks
And the movie keeps playing
And I keep scrolling
Pushing myself away
Forgetting to take a breath

I am getting back into writing
I thought this would be better than fighting

Fighting my feelings inside
So I write them down line by line

My time away has been a struggle
So I hope to find a way to juggle

And balance my emotions
Through the commotion

That is my life

It waved it's hand across the sky
like how a child skims arms over water
playing in the pool,
gesturing towards the stars.

Its fingers tore into the surface
paving a one way street in shadow
forming branches whose tails
curled into eddies,
flowing out,
propagated light like a spark,
the hologram of an infinitely long firework.

It scattered clouds of cosmic soup
setting the stage for a play
existing on the cusp of an invisible boundary,
the actors - falling into their own ghosts,
specks of dust playing out a script
unfolding in rhythm over eons.

Remember when we were kids,
you asked me
"boy, what you wanna do
with the rest of your life?"
I said "have a couple kids
with you as my wife."
Then you started laughing.
Said "that ain't never gonna happen." Ten years later,
now we both have rings.
Got the house and money
for baby things.
Getting ready to be parents
for the first time.
I say "I know right now,
things are going our way.
But baby, if I ever lose my way,
will you take me back
to my first broken heart.
Take me back to when I didn't know where to start.
Take me back to the country roads. Take me back to the town no one knows.
If I ever fall too far off track,
Baby, take me back.