I’m frightened.
I try to follow the rules, but danger is contagious.
When you breathe, something breathes back.
When you start to truly feel the sun, the rain clouds settle in.
When I take a chance and smile at you, you don’t even see me.
When I try and tell you to protect yourself from me,
you unburden your chest before me.
When you try to take my clothes off, I don’t let you.
When I try to hold back from needing your skin on mine,
I give myself over to you and succumb to what I can do.
What we are always free to do and make and see and need and feel and
lust for.
When I tell you all my truths, you reply with homespun lies and
glistening dreams
far too slippery to hold on to.
When I donate half of my order to you, you run from the attention;
hiding out in the deepest shadows and insecurities that are threads in
relationships.
When you push me out and let me in, I only try to destroy your walls and
invade your lands.
When you make me feel like a woman in your eyes, I fear you in the dark;
where your hands are going, what you want today and what you’ll need
tomorrow.
When you lean in to kiss me, I can already feel the metallic tang of
blood on your lips.
When I get to pull you closer, it’s a second of spark and minutes of
emptiness.
When I desperately want to savour what you say, I can’t begin to make
the words stay still.
When I dream of you, I can never remember what it was about.
When you prepare yourself to invite another into your sacred spaces;
witness the shadows, the creatures of your thoughts, the past and the
present you,
you must also prepare to bleed.
Prepare to kiss back and notice the cracks in your lips.
Prepare to touch and notice the bruises beginning to burst beneath your
skin.
Prepare to love and notice the heart the begins to hurt and skip its beats.
I go to bed and wonder why I was never
obviously
good enough for you.
When she says no to you, think of me.
Because there are always two sides to every argument, every process,
every feeling.
And you are entitled to bear them too.
