You have no clue what I went through.

Crying on the bathroom floor,
explaining to my mom
everything I had hidden from her
for the past few months.

Weeping for hours and deciding to compose
the hardest letter I ever had to write.

Sobbing because I thought I'd never
speak to him again.

But then crying tears of joy
when he finally came back.

A few days after, dying on the inside
because he left again,
but seeing his name pop up
on my screen after another month,
wondering what I should do
and deciding to reply and

finally

tears slowly falling from my eye
as I faced the fact that I had to say
goodbye.

2014
We are only fourteen.
I tease you everyday in seventh period,
You make me laugh more than anyone in eighth period.
We played Romeo and Juliet
Yet swore we’d never have feelings,
Despite everyone’s beliefs.
2014
You get a girlfriend,
We are only fourteen.
Summer is right around the corner, and i try to forget you.

2015
Your girlfriend doesn’t like me,
You stop speaking to me.
I stop seeing you at school.
2015
I start dating a boy who I swore I loved.

2016
I was done with boys,
I was convinced I loved him,
He wanted inside of my body.
2016
You say “Hi” to me in first period,
I didn’t realize we had class together again.

2017
You begin to awkwardly compliment my captions on Instagram;
You’ve never heard of the quotes, but you love them.
I wrote them, but I’ll never tell you that.
2017
Your girlfriend has been hitting you,
Screaming at you,
Ignoring you
For nearly three years.

2018
I’m sitting with your friend at lunch,
You pass us in the hall.
You’re tired.
2018
You begin to stand with my friends and I in the hall of the mornings,
Once again, I’m teasing you and you make me laugh like no one else can.
2018
She breaks up with you.
2018
You begin confiding in me over things I’m swore to secrecy.
We begin hanging out;
I’m at your house everyday after school.
I swear it’s just to tutor you in English for the ACT,
I’ll never tell you it’s just to see you.
2018
A girl likes you, hates me and tells everyone I was ***** but deserved it;
I take my anger out on you
Blame you, because you let her into our small group.
2018
I stop speaking to you for a bit,
It drives me insane.
Graduation
I go home with you that night,
We are as close as we were. Like nothing ever happened.
We just hold hands
And that’s all I needed.
We spent that entire summer together;
Making s’mores
Staying up until 5am drinking a bit,
And talking of life.
2018
I leave for college but we still try to date.
It’s hard to keep the distance so I come home
A l o t.
2019
I end up transferring back home,
For you but also financial purposes.
June 10th, 2019
We are laying in our bed together, you’re curled up next to me,
Mumbling words of affection and love.

My, how things change.