I felt it last night
That feeling of empty.
When you blindly throw trust,
And hungry hands choke it to death.
I couldn't breath.
Skin raw and stung,
You burnt me with a fiery poker,
Branding me a fool.
Calling me out for my desperate need
To be longed for.
I felt numb as you held me.
Yet too hot.
Walls closed in.
I stared at your ceiling,
Wondering when it was okay to leave.
Collect my pride from the floor and go.
I am just a piece of meat
I forgot,
Sorry.
Thank you for reminding me of who I am.

Those moments you left me to my thoughts,
I felt a familiar warmth.
Slightly comforting being alone next to someone

(Slightly messed up is what it is)

I felt slightly nothing.

When I left, your back was turned.
And I could breathe again.
As if I had been holding my breath for 14 hours.
(You had me for 14 hours)
That's how long it takes to learn.
I found money on my way out,
I stole it.
I felt I deserved it.
You wasted me
My time
My body
You insulted my intelligence.
I stole cigarettes as well.
To pull the life back into my lungs.
Funny how something so intimate and personal,
Can become a power grab.
That's when I tune out.
Go limp, numb, turn off my brain.
I wish you had paid me...
Give me a good Yelp review at least
5 stars
*******.
I felt scared.
*******

I was always told
I meant nothing
I was just another body
Waiting to have a hole dug in the ground

I was never a favorite with children or adults
I seemed too outgoing
Too energetic
Adults tell me to not be myself around others
I need to be reserved

So I tried being calm, quiet
I never talked to anyone no matter the age
And soon it became so easy, so natural

That by second grade I went weeks without speaking
And I never gave a ****
Because it's what everyone else wanted
And it became what I needed

In high school, my teachers told me to speak up
They want me to be an individual
But knowing that everyone else wanted me quiet
I just shrugged and moved on

I look back now and remember
I remember the lonely nights
The red splattered carpet
The feeling of vacancy

When I needed to try
To try to speak my mind
To try and be myself
To try and stop my destructive behavior

I failed
I've always been a failure
Who tried their best to fix their mistakes
But trying is the first step to failure

And I've lost this battle