some nights fold in on themselves
after too many years and decades
spent emptying oneself for others

like old letters re-opened accusing
from where they'd been laid to rest
found in yellowing files and folders

debris stirring from the shadows
unsettles the window ledge dust
irritating the membranes of scent

as memory floods with questions
tagging along like curious children
squabbling about whose fault it was

that we sit writing with brimming eyes
with the kind of solitary regret and shock
that comes when bodies in a silent house

wander around aimlessly trying to fill time
with their pointless pursuits and blinded eyes
imagining just another hit from some website

will stave off stories of their past they shelved
for nights like this when the spectres return
to bring the bill from aged secrets banished

I was sure.
That I knew who you were.

And then I took a cloth,
Cleaned my glasses and squinted,
I didn’t recognize you at all.

Strange to sleep with the closet open.

Nothing significant to anyone else; just a lazy side effect of wanting to sleep too soon, perhaps. But to me, it holds plenty significance. Much more than I'd be comfortable admitting.

It's a testament to how much you have changed me. From wanting to please everyone and keep the peace, to exploring what it means to contribute my humanity, as opposed to my roboticism. The simple act of leaving my door open - a door I had closed for so many years, at first for fear of attack, and later for the illusion of perfection and organization - reminds me that if you had never shared the symbolism of your own door, I would have never changed. I would, likewise, always be closed. And it hurts that now the one person that I always opened my door to has shut me out.

car ride,*
to,
your house,
to,
your yard,
up,
the stairs,
to
your front door,
to,
enter,
to,
step inside,
to,
look around,
to,
be leaded,
up,
stairs,
to,
stop,
to,
open the door,
to,
enter,
to,
wait for you,
to,
sit with my friend,
in,
your room.
to,
watch you enter,
to,
ask you about your day,
to,
be your friend.
but,
you, lay, down,
to,
pull, me close,
to,
not, let go,
to,
get, on, top,
to,
go, down, my pants,
to,
take, off, my top,
to,
not, hear me, when I screamed,
**STOP.

The string that bonded us,
I thought to be strong.
I cut it loose,
Bringing it all down.
Like pieces of broken glass,
Here it lies.
Am yet to figure out
How it died.