I do not love your laugh
I do not love your smile,
Or your eyes,
Or the way you hold my hand in yours
I do not love the way you blow on the back of my neck to cool me down
Or the way that you stroke my shoulder to soothe me
I do not love your kindness
I do not love your sense of humor
I do not love the image of myself I see mirrored in your soul
Nor the image of you mirrored in mine
I do not love your loyalty,
Your quirks,
Or your artistic hand

What is left to love?
You ask
Do I love you at all?

I love the spaces between you
I love the places in you where I have room to breathe
I love you in all the cracks,
And all the gaps,
And all the little crevices
My love exists between your neurons firing
Between every electron of every atom that is you
I love the stitches holding together the fabric of who you are
When you hold your hand to a mirror,
My love is in the glass between your fingers touching
I love the intangible, quiet energy that is only you
Without action
Without effort
Just you
Can only ever be you

It was 8:45 after my bathe
I dried my *** and put my favorite moisturizer
Looking at my reflection I’m feeling ****
So I put red lipstick on and decided to wear my see-through lingerie

I went to distract my husband playing virtual game, PUBG specifically
He drew attention to me — his hand is caressing my face, you’re gorgeous he said
He then pressed his lips against mine and started talking...
Talking back to his playmates about what strategy are they going to use
So I went to bed to write this lol

I will myself to hate you,
And to find something that I can use
as ammo against your love.
But I give up.

I can listen to the brave words
that my friends help me use
as my shield.
But I don't believe them.

It's different this time.
It's all there, yet there's nothing.
Just a tiny lighthouse seen through
a deep dark sea.

I will my boat away
towards the islands.
But it's no use.
I am too in love with the light
to not follow its unpromising affliction.

Watch me as I drown.

RETURN

1) When this is over, return.

2) From the ashes came life

3) To the ashes went death

4) Is there a higher place?

5) How long till I return?