Silent
Aching
Gasping
Grasping
Grappling
Pressing heart & chest & lungs
Clenching in the guts
Every muscle weakened by the emptiness
Every nerve echoing the pain,
every rib drawn close in weeping,
cacophony of an arhythmic heart,
spasms of asphyxiating lungs
As the heart & soul weep bitter tears
Palpitations of The Missing…
Yet, the face remains impassive,
Secret of the heart must remain
silent
though the heart weeps

None of it really matters
long enough
to tear my heart away…
I am
Always returning to you

All it takes is a thought,
A sense  of you
hearing you, seeing you…
everything evaporates
and you remain
i always come back to you

Will you come back to me?

I miss you
I love you
  
I could choose to converse
with various friends & acquaintances...
But it’s not them I crave to better know.
  
I’m so touched out!
children grabbing grasping,
pushing, pulling, dog-piling my body,
Unaware of where their bodies end
and mine begins...
Yet I crave that single touch
whose lightest brush
would send electric awareness
fluttering through my every nerve...
that single touch,
now farther than mere miles away.
  
My ears are worn with overlapping chatter
in competition for my listening attention
sounds bombard with needs... yet
that single voice that sings throughout my dreams
Is so long silent…deceased to me, I fear.
  
Friends and family repeatedly profess
Their deep true love for me.
(yes, those children hold my love!)
Yet, it is you to whom my heart returns
It is YOU from whom I seek heart-stopping reminders:
“I DO love you”
  
It's you I need
It’s you
always you

You are my waking thought,
my hopes and fears throughout the day.
You are assurance, peace… and loss.
You are my heartbeat and my breath,
my heartbreak and my tears.
You are each song that I hear or sing,
tunes of passion & love, of hurt, anger &
sorrow, of satisfaction, completion & joy.
You are the lift in my step,
my upturned smiling lips.
You are the glistening drops of missing pieces
hidden in my eyes. . .
You are their sparkle, too.
You’re the kiss of wind or wet dew on my cheek,
the crisp air of spring, scent of cherry blossoms,
the sweet taste of beloved memories
the sour sting of hope lost.
What more can I say?
You are the moments of each day
from my first consciousness on waking,
through the ticking seconds as they pass
and still seeking out my sleeping dreams.
Is it any wonder you are the flame
igniting my happiness?
& You are the absence collapsing
my aching heart? You
…my desired Someday
…always my Today

I haven’t even loved anyone since you
I used others to try and feel better
Maybe if I try I will love them
And I never truly did, I think
(I don’t even know anymore)
I’m cruel and heartless, truly
using others to try and pull away from you
so just try and forget it.
you know you can’t.
You were even aesthetically pleasing when paired with me
first in many things, you and yours were my people
i can’t believe i still write about you
think about you
care about you
Love you
are you like a brother? or are you like a lover?
either way, you were the closest to me
Even today I’m still trying to pick the bits of you out of the most of me
where does your influence end and my life begin?
I can’t let myself date someone else until i feel a love for them, a real kind of love
(like the one i feel for you)
I’m still waiting to feel
using others to try and fill in the gaps doesn’t work, but for some reason i still want to do it

I would make it home for you
I would BE Home for you
Not just “would be”
don’t you see?
I AM for you…
I want to be your
comfort, constant, safe, release
through the changes.
yes, I too fear change…
see? …our fears are held
warm in the palm of my hand
soft your skin, soft your lips
warm to the touch of my hand…
safe, home, calm, held,
Loved
Home
WE are home

I miss your voice
and that stupid laugh

So many coincidences
so many signs
I wish you were here
with your lips against mine

6-25-25   1:56pm

I'll see your favorite number
and the moon will look back at me
the barista saying your name
or our song coming on the radio

maybe it's the univer playing tricks on me
who knows
either or
you're still all I think about