Throw back another shot,
Put on that dress that radiates
The siren within.
Go out and hunt.
Dance like you actually want to.
Break his heart.
Ruin his life.
Feign confidence.
Make him believe he wants you
More than you want him.  
Make him follow you like a puppy,
Throw him a smile to gives him hope.
Paint your mouth a pretty colour
So he notices.
Find love,
If only for few hours.
Don’t regret when you wake up.
Even though,
The light of day is a cruel mistress.

This is the only thing
That I am not indecisive
Or unsure about

Don't make me second guess,
Because I will

I will overthink
And analyze
Until my brain is splattered on the wall

So let me be sure of this one thing
This one small thing

I know
For a very fact
In the deep recesses of my heart

I like girls and boys

I am not confused
Nor am I calling for attention

Let my love
Love how it wants

Let me love
Who I yearn to love

Love looses her beauty
When she is rigorously controlled


Let my love be beautiful

As a child I dabbled in ******

No barbie was safe from the hands of their god

Ran hills caked to the toe
Roughed terrain with neighborhood boys

They called me girl
But I felt boy

Upon later years I learned:
Dress
Skirt
Bra
Flower
Amenities accustomed to this body;
A bustling street of hormones without a
red light

Next were *******—
Wild & rambling, I soon
Mastered the art of shrinking

I kissed my first boy & felt it rattle through my bones
His hair an ocean in my hands as I rose up
to the surface

Later I discovered the shared experience of Woman,
Shifting about the world as a silly metaphor
Carved fingers into mace & metal
Ankles clinking busily on a subway platform

In learning to fight
The young boy dwindled into memory and
I couldn’t sense shape anymore

Fell in and out of love with woman and man alike,
Sinking deep into salt & sand

These days I can’t help but wonder if
attraction is a mode of defense
Or that of love

These days I run hills in heels
Caked to the toe in color

--
c