Man oh man, it’s been too long
Since I heard your piano songs
I used to hate them everyday
I’d rip my hair out when you’d play

Each time i’d take a bit to read
Your notes would play, my ears would bleed
They’d send me right around the bend
To loonie bins and back again

But man I miss your stupid songs
Though they’d have any crowd soon gone
To hear them once again someday  
I’d sure cut off my arm n’leg

I never got much time to sleep
While hearing your piano screech
Each time I’d try to take a nap
You’d give those notes a violent smack!

But man, I miss your slammin’ hands
Though no one’s ears were quite a fan
If you could play for me once more
My smile’d reach right to my core

Each time I’d ask for “quiet, please!”
You’d play like cats dancing on keys
Those horrid notes would never stop
Like nails scraped down on board for chalk

But man, I miss those melodies
Though they’d have made a deaf man flee
If you could spare just one more tune
Your notes would fill this sorry room

Man oh man, it’s been so long
Since I last heard you play a song
I used to beg your notes would go
But now I hate this hollow home

I hope you play still in the clouds
And make birds from blue skies fall out
Go, keep on gifting garish tunes
I know you brought them to your tomb

I started school in nineteen hundred and typing error. But we were so poor growing up we had to share clothes, so I could only go to school every other day on account of being a twin. PE was a little embarrassing as I had a twin sister. It wasn't so much playing rugby in a netball skirt, no – my problem was trying to iron the pleats back in afterwards.

At 6 years old I was cast in my infant schools nativity play as 3rd reserve palm tree, in a play with no palm trees in it. When I complained to the teacher she told me to stop moaning and remember what jesus taught us.
“Can I be that?” I asked
“What?” she said
“You said jesus had a tortoise, can I be the tortoise?”

At 14 years old I was given a major role in my upper schools annual PTA play. We were doing Romeo and Juliet and I was cast as – the balcony. However on the night of the performance, unlike in rehearsals, the girl playing Juliet wore stiletto heels. So when she stepped onto the balcony (me) it yelped and rolled over. She went base over apex knocking over Romeo and landed spread-eagled on the floor that revealed her underwear to the whole audience. I am sure I speak for every parent, teacher and pupil in that hall when I say that I can never look at My Little Pony in the same way ever again. She never spoke to me again – like it was my fault!

(Oct 2020)

It stings doesn't it?
But the crowd laughs
They think it's a part of the bit
Just like the divorce

I have a joke for you
It's called, "a spray bottle full of chemicals that imma shoot into your eyes"

This moment is just a dream,
An illusion of a greater being
And once the cold death
Gave us it's warm embrace
We will fall into silence
As we wake up to see the reality.

If so, then why plague your mind with worry?
If this is just a dream, then why are you experiencing it in tragedy
When you can easily make it into comedy.

Tuesday: **** was black and smelled of sulphur.

oh wait, this is my **** diary.

For those of you interested,
I'm indigested. Well, I suppose we're all indigested.

I'm off the water, on lemon and lime
and wouldn't you know it combined
with my strange state of internal affairs
to create a concoction that's up in flares.

They found undigested
gum and erasers
an unopened packet of quavers
several loose fillings
and an unopened pack of heavy duty nasal razors.

Alright I might be embellishing the truth a little
the situation's been fickle,
but my research mostly finds that
eating is the issue.

I'm a sadist, guilt and remorse evadist
put my dark twist, on the folk
down in their gravies
resurrect em, clambering
shackled remains,
liberate thee,
run free in my domain.
De lib er ately
gliding, I'm death's author
and the last note
in the cacophony slaughter.
I'm the angel of death
and as you draw your last breath
know that I'm trying my best
to compensate for this theft
with more thieving, your grieving's
making my eyes sting
no reprieve in
believing, I'm only deceiving
in the heart of your very own body and mind
an inner evil, its seething
you know you can't hide
so break down and surrender
call on your defenders
and when the heavens aren't parted
the party gets started
there's no angel, descending
smiting at will
just my corpses, feasting
I'll send you the bill.