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Joe Cottonwood Jul 2017
Me, a teacher of poetry, the idea is insane.
Yet I’m here once a week at the nuthouse. Oops. Hospital.
A lunch conversation with a nurse.
“That old guy, Russell, he seems so gentle,” I say. “So normal.”
Russell writes about hummingbirds.
“It’s either here or prison,” the nurse says.
“Oh,” I say.
Actually I’m not allowed to ask about patients.

But the nurse, now she’s worked up.
“Russell had custody of his granddaughter,” the nurse says.
“Uh-huh,” I say.
“The mom died,” the nurse says, “the baby was six months.”
“Oh,” I say.
“To call him ‘*** offender’ sounds too clinical,” the nurse says.
I say nothing.
“He must’ve bought Vaseline by the bucket,” the nurse says.
“Um…” I say.
“He ****** that baby every day,” the nurse says.
“Three hundred and sixty-four days a year,” the nurse says.
“Christmas, she got a holiday,” the nurse says.
“Oh,” I say, and I push my plate away.

“Sorry,” the nurse says, “I ruined your appetite.”
“Not your fault,” I say.
“I hate hummingbirds,” the nurse says. “I hate poetry.”
I say nothing.
“Can a poem be ugly?” the nurse asks.
I reach for a fresh napkin, slide it across the tabletop.
“If a poem could ****,” the nurse says, “I’d write one.”
From my pocket, I hand her a pen.
George Anthony May 2017
the silence is never silent;
there's always that ringing
in your ears
that forces you to just
pause
and listen
to nothing.

but i think i needed this
not-silence, anyway.
i've been listening to music so constantly,
i think i might have
melted my mind
into further chaos,
i cannot

think
about anything other than
how nice the static solitude is,
to lie down
on this well-worn mattress
and just
stop

hush, child
it's alright now.
i wish somebody would've told me that
when i were a little boy.
hush, child, shh
you'll be okay.
maybe it wouldn't have
turned into a lie
if it had just been said
in the first place

it's funny how
the silence and
the loneliness
used to **** me slowly, painfully
but now it's all i'm used to
and i need doses of it
every
single
day
5 AM thoughts. Bleed of consciousness. Terrible as usual.
George Anthony May 2017
hands as big as my face
and a scream that was
louder than my cries

daddy's got a bottle of red,
it's okay
he just enjoys the finer things in life

daddy i don't know your new girlfriend
please hold my hand
daddy please

daddy, i think i like your girlfriend
more than i like you
she cleaned me up when i was sick

you yelled at me for
getting ***** on the carpet;
but i'm certain red stains are harder to clean

i wonder if i was good at cross country,
if i got so fast
because of the way my tiny legs carried me up the stairs

away from you
that afternoon with a magazine cutout in your bag
number to a *** line

never dialled, you said, not mine, you said
daddy please don't chase me,
i just did what your girlfriend said

my step-brother taught me to box today
i punched the bag really hard.
punching you in the stomach felt better.

you're passed out on the sofa and
i can't wake you up.
your girlfriend sends you to bed and

we stay up.
there's horror movies on the TV;
she's asleep with the controls and

i can't get away
from the blood on the screen
and the little robot boy's tears as the cars crash into him.

i saw women's *******
in bed with Dracula.
i saw you perving

on the lesbians in the flats,
and then i fidgeted anxiously
when you told me you'd bury me under the slabs

if i turned out gay.
i didn't know what that meant back then but
father, i'm so gay now

you bruised my shoulders when i disowned you.
said "goodbye" with enough volume
it sounded more like a "*******"

you didn't care.
did you ever care?
i used to try and curl up to your side

i stopped doing that after a while.
i was young but i was smart,
knew to walk away when you got that slur on your lips

i was young but i was smart:
you don't take your eyes
off a predator

i was young but i was smart,
handled the ***** you gave to me and
crushed that cat's skull

and had nightmares about it
for weeks and weeks;
but i had to put it out of its misery

daddy, why do you hate cats?
daddy, please don't shoot it
DADDY, NO!

daddy, i can't breathe
stop smoking around me please.
mummy doesn't like the smell of it on my clothes.

stop smoking crack with the neighbours,
your girlfriend's talking **** about you
with his wife

pocket money doesn't replace affection
i'm talking **** about you
with your girlfriend.

i found out that you never treated my siblings
the way you treated me.
what the **** is so wrong with me?

twelve years old, finally in high school
mum said i can stop seeing you
dad, i don't wanna see you anymore

twice a year, always in December
just those two visits gave me enough things to remember
why i stopped the weekend trips

your money doesn't cure my ptsd
nor does it stop the nightmares.
i took it anyway

call it compensation.
measly amount as it was.
i'll never see you again now i'm eighteen

but trust me when i say
i'd rather be broke
than have broken spirits and broken bones
GaryFairy Dec 2016
born with a halo shattered
human afterbirth in dirt
withered wings, feathers tattered
protrusions of pain and hurt

only an angel can be born
held by the devil's hands
flesh becomes hard, when its torn
only an angel understands
I wrote this a few years ago. I don't think I have posted it for a while
Soeka laborde Oct 2016
He pressed his hips against me
I melted into the bed
"You little **** teaser" he purred
I've watched you for so long
Wearing these outfits, teasing the men in town
******* like you deserve everything you get

"Please" I begged
My words fell unit deaf ears
The glow in his eyes deepened my fears
He bore his fangs and I tried to scream
His hands cornered my mouth like something in a bad dream

"Please stop" I cried
Not only was I about to loose my innocence, but also my pride
And then I died...
His fang sliced through my once pure flesh
I prayed to god and asked for death

"This is all your fault" he cooed
Little ******* like you shouldn't be so rude
He ****** harder, faster, deeper, more and more
Tears flowed from my eyed affixed to the door

"Please stop" I plead
I promise not to say anything
If you'd just stop this and leave
"Please stop dad, please, stop" murmured
"You're not my Darm daughter!"
And he ****** harder, harder, faster

"One word of this, and you're dead!"
I lay there muffling my cried limp and frail on my tear filled bed
"This is my fault, ******* like me gets what they deserve" I repeated over and over in my head
Dear God, I wish I was dead...

          *La Vida Love
Avellaneda Lesli Sep 2016
Eventually I became this child of Steel hard as a rock with no tender feel
I became immune to the blows to my head as the tips of my welts that slightly bled the pain it faded and my shell grew weak but as my mind grew stronger I became this freak he said he'll teach me wrong from right but my rage grew stronger so I stood his fight I held no fear by the state of my eyes I no longer felt fear but wanted him to die
What fueled me is hatred for the innocence he killed
Timothy Ward Sep 2016
shattered
pieces of memories
tattered
emotions wailing
silently
as i patch and stitch
and sew
my present
a blanket of scars
Ever healing one breath at a time mostly!
George Anthony Jul 2016
they say a child can grow up conditioning themselves
to forget
all the trauma they've experienced;
they say they quite literally push it
to the back of their minds, as a way of coping,
a way to deal with the pain―without actually dealing with it.

it'll all come crashing back, eventually
everyone knows that a dam is a temporary structure,
that eventually the chemicals in the water
will erode the wood and
break it apart

it all comes rushing in
and escapes through blood-shot eyes,
drooling, sobbing coughs and panic-slick wheezes.

i never fully managed to forget my father
though i'm sure there are things i don't remember―
after all, that's an awful lot of hatred
and anger
for only several incidents, and a lifetime of an alcoholic's neglect...
isn't it?

but you―you i managed to block out completely
to the point where i knew the phrase "emotional abuse"
but couldn't quite be sure why i applied it to you;
it was just something i knew
instinctively

how foolish it was for me to break the dam myself,
out of some morbid, masochistic curiosity:
"what did she do? what did she do to me? why?"
and then i remembered

all the sleepless nights spent reading to you,
lulling your insomniac mind (though not as bad as mind)
and soothing the supposed nightmares you had:
nightmares that you, conveniently, only suffered
when i was asleep―and i was hardly ever sleeping

all the memories you blurred between me
and your last boyfriend; all the ways
you made me feel like ****, comparing me
to a **** bag that cheated on you
and then lured you in again with falsities and
repeated apologies. you fell for it every time,
and i had to wonder: why am i not good enough
compared to that?

the way you asked me to watch you in the bath,
whilst you drew on your skin and told me:
"this is what i do to avoid cutting myself"
and i thought:
"i'm still cutting"
but i sacrificed my own stability to ensure your safety

******* martyr, i was
how disgusting to allow myself to be manipulated by you,
even after the hours you left me guessing out of spite
whether or not you'd burned your skin with that lighter
just because i didn't want to spoil your mood with my own

the holiday i spent in my dream city was spoiled
and stained and joyless, as you ****** the soul out of me
by burning images into my mind:
you and him, sharing a bath, looking after his family's kids.
why the **** would you do that to me?
more importantly, why the ****
did i let you? and still love you?

so many more incidents, so many more
broken promises and sick lies;
the way you hid me from your family
and only trusted me not to cheat because i'm demisexual;
you made sure i'd never emotionally connect with anybody else
and find attraction in them,
lest i move on from you and find another

one that wouldn't abuse me
like you did
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