I wish someone warned me,
I wish I could plea,
Plea guilty,
Guilty for wanting to embrace you in every thought,
No matter how many times we fought,
What it was like to have someone like you,
Someone like you taken away,
You're like a never ending symphony,
Your name is a harmony,
You live on,
In this mind of mine,
I wish I could stop reading into all these signs,
The signs that keep reminding me,
What it was like,
Losing someone like you.
Number 52.

I am doing myself damage,
Listening to your favorite songs,
Am I doing myself wrong,
Hearing the lyrics that you loved,
Seeing images in intervals that i'd rather forget,
Looking out my window,
Remembering your ways,
And that gaze in your eyes,
I overdosed on you,
Additive and exactly what I needed,
Fire ignites me,
Excites me,
Left me burning with embers inside,
Set me free from the what I could have been trapped within,
The dark rooms inside my head you occupied,
Empty screams and blood shot eyes.

It's not those,
Those rich deep dark brown eyes,
Or that messy hair,
It's that smile,
And how they would meet up
And align ever so perfectly to the wrinkles by your eyes,
Or how that goofy little laugh of yours,
How I fell for that-
Dreamy look in your eyes,
How you made it look so effortless,
I dream of it,
It's been a year
It's been,
Been,
Been a tough time,
Cause my phone can't seem to stop thinking bout you either,
Auto correcting your name,
It's been,
Been,
Been a tough time,
As if my phone has been telling me,
As if it's tell me I'm crazy,
Crazy for still thinkin about you again,
Or maybe cause I can't seem to forgive you,
Perhaps forgive myself,
The things you said,
Even those that were kind,
Made me realize,
That you weren't so bad after all,
Those words haunt me,
Cause if you believed all those things that you said,
Why didn't you try,
It's been,
Been a tough time cause what you left me with was,
"It's better late than never" -right?

They say you can't get to where you're going without a map,
Can't get to places with path,
I may not know where this may lead,
Getting lost in your words,
Tell me the way home,
Where wandering minds like ours roam,
But it's as if even your last train of thought,
Is where I latch on and get caught,
Caught on to you,
And noticing the little things you do.

They say puzzle pieces fit perfectly,
It's the same when I am with you,
I guess what they say must be true,
Puzzle pieces that seem to find their way to make a perfect picture,
If only I could paint that picture with you,
We may not say it but I knew,
Knew what you wanted,
Was what I wanted too,
Our bodies were like mere images of the pieces,
Between all the folds and creases,
How oddly arranged but fit together in such symphony,
Similarly and differently,
Like how you can carry me in your arms,
Or how my head can rest on your chest,
Like how your arms wrap around my entire body,
Or how my tiny hands fit in your gigantic ones,
Like how our bodies grasp for air in our lungs,
or how I can hear your heart beat as quick as mine,
Like the way you can make me arch the back of my spine,
Its the small things that makes us in sync,
and who were we to think,
That in a blink,
We were in fact,
In all the act,
Just mere puzzle pieces who found each other at last.

Walking me home,
Your hand slips down to the small of my back,
Guiding me to my door again,
It feels like a routine by now,
Never have gone past this paneled glass door,
Where just one date has led to something,
Something much more,
I can feel the breeze on my skin,
Sends shivers down my spine,
And the purple-blue tones casted on that face of yours,
The colours of the city lights
And the hope in your eyes,
For how long will I sit here in gaze,
Your a constant reminder of what I've always wanted,
Or a reminder of what could've been,
I never thought it be this hard,
Just *Walking me home again

I've waited months on months to memorize,
Memorize every detail on the surface of his skin,
The warm touch down his back,
The scars spread out on his chest,
The wrinkles that form by his eyes,
The eyes that bring light,
A soft ethereal glow,
Waiting to accept this reality,
Though seemed much like a Dream,
Missing his touch on my skin,
Left a mark quite like a fingerprint,
His rough yet firm grasp on each thigh,
Tracing the curves of my body,
By time, I realize,
That in time, with him there is not enough time,
He is much like a roaring ocean,
Blissfully following the tide,
Waiting for the water to return,
Back to shore,
Waiting for
More...
Time.

That song was like history,
An opened textbook,
Filled with memories,
Lyrics felt like stories,
Untold,
To this day those stories are ones I withhold,
Playing that song that reminded me,
You were quite like a mystery,
It was everything I wanted you to be,
Opening my eyes I can see,
How every light shun and the colours across the sky,
I stared at the moon and stars,
Chasing cars,
Weird how?
How history repeats itself,
Now that I think about it,
Alone,
To myself,
I guess that was the same way with us too,
We were like history,
Nothing could ever change what we had,
All I can do is write poems in this notepad.

All I ever knew,
was his love,

His skin was the only one that i've ever touched,
His lips the only property i owned,
His touch was the only one i've ever felt,

He knew me like an open book,
Without an utter,
Knowing what I felt,
Supporting me when I couldn't hold myself up,

All I ever knew was,
his love,

Despite the distance,
Despite the ups and downs,
Despite the world that is against us,

He makes me whole,
More than he will ever know,

His love,
was all I ever knew,
and all I ever want to know.

They say it is religion,
They say it's history,
They say it's science,
For me it's a mystery,

They say it's honesty,
They say it's law,
They say it's witnessing,
I'm confused by it all,

The truth,
A universal yet complicated story,
The truth,
What we fight for each and every day,
The truth,
What is it...

The truth here is,
We all are in hopes of searching for that truth,
The truth of our exisistance,
The truth to our core purpose,
Our truth....
The truth.

If they only heard,
The thoughts that ring aloud,
Vibrating,
Pulsating,
Thumping,
If they only saw my potential,
Their surface level judgements refuse,
Refuse to dig deeper than the pigment,
The pigment of my deep coffee coloured skin,
The thoughts that might change the world one day,
Or the actions that may,
For one day I hope it's not all just black and grey,

Why to judge what's on ones head,
Hanging lives on a thread,
Love empowers while hate,
Rests in humanity's fate,
While I standby watching atrocities
Why am I put on the back burner,
I didn't ask for this,
What did I deserve,
No such label,
I'm human,
I'm peace,
I embody it,
I pray for it,
I preach it,
I'm Muslim,
Don't compare me,
To those fools,
The ones barbaric and don't have a clue,
Myself and them -the ones that create violence
We aren't not one in the same,
We are not alike,
We will never be.

I remember that smile,
Radiating brighter than the sun,
The light escapes,
Runs
On and on,
It's only till a few years pass by,
I look past,
As the window creeps in the sunlight,
Shining and casting ever so perfectly,
Missing you,
Without you it seems out of place,
Your skin kissing the warm cast on your arms,
While your song would play in the background softly,
His essence is what I shall always cherish.

I'm stuck between my desire and reality,
what is "best for me" verses "what I want",

Hopeless and worry wandering thoughts,
being good enough,
Over and over I fought,

fought with myself,
my identity lost in the sheer mix,
trying my best to uplift others,

Before you I was lost,
Without you I don't know if I would have made it this far,
I felt like the cause of it all,
The fights, the commotion, the screaming,
But you were steady and still,
waiting for me to lie on your shoulder
and hug me and tell me that it was going to be okay,

you were there to hear my cries,
to hear my sorrows, my worries,
For once it didn't feel like a burden.

and P.S maybe what "is best for me" may not be BEST FOR ME.