What if
You had to destroy
The one thing
You brought to life?

There's supposed to be light at the end of the tunnel
But I've been looking
And it's not there.

You know me
But not behind closed doors.

Just like I know you
Although I don't really.

I can tell you're hiding something
Whenever you speak,
Whenever you gaze
Outwards to avoid my glance.

Valentine
Is what I wanted to call you
But didn't.

Let's play a game,
Where all the stakes
are high
And the result
Is never
In our favor.

Here are the cards,
For this fun game.
Do you have any
Aces?
Kings?
Queens?

Or are they out of your grasp
Like everything else in this world?

No, don't give up just yet.
Play with the cards you're dealt.

Oh, look at that,
We've made progress!
We still have a few cards left.
Let's keep playing!

Now, let's show our cards,
That decide our fate
In this godforsaken game.

Did you win?

...*Or lose?

You never needed me
As much as I needed you.

You were the reason I breathed,
But I only made you blue.

I thought we had something,
But it was an illusion
At best.

You were my king,
But I was only your test.

Now that you're gone,
I see my mistakes

I'll no longer look on
To a love that was fake.

Am I your real choice
Or just your plan B?
I can hear it in your voice
I don't think you want me.

You are
The reason I cry
The reason I laugh
The reason I smile
The reason I frown.

You are
The reason
I feel this dread
And this utter happiness.

You are the reason
My heart beats
Just a little faster
And the reason
It stops.

And for many other reasons unknown but you,
You
Are the reason I love.

People say that 'hate' is a strong word,
That it's thrown around
Too carelessly.

But what about 'love'?
Don't we
Throw that word around too,
And state feelings
That aren't really there?

“I swear it to you,”
“He had you in this life...
...but during the next million you’ll be only mine.”

Your voice was intoxicating, delicious;
Now, it's unnaturally sweet and dissonant.
I loved hearing it.
I loved hearing you.

But now, I'm not sure.
Because,
Our voices together,
No longer make
What was once
The most beautiful orchestra.

I'm too scared to tell you
My feelings for you.
Because if I did,
You'd laugh.

So many decisions
Are hard to make.

From saying "yes",
or "no".

From staying you'll stay,
Or that you have to go.

I wish you said "no",
and that you didn't have to go.
Because,
Now I'll never see you again.

I long for those days
When we had something to treasure
Outside the sheets.

When we were in love
When "we are in love",
Were we actually?
Are we now?

Because
Even those kisses
And nights full of *******
Feel unrequited.

I ache
For your love
Not your lust,
which is all I've been seeing.

We're a lot like books, you know?
We have an outside cover people will judge us on,
And we all have quite the story to tell.

Am I the only one
That laughs to hide my sadness?

Please listen.
Listen to me

Even if you say you won't.
Even if you say you can't.

That poison
you direct at yourself
You don't deserve.

Those cuts,
Those scars you think no one sees
Are as bright as the moon on a clear evening.

They show your poison,
They show you screaming,
"I need someone
I need someone
To protect me
From myself
Because I've lost all control."

"I need a wall to lean on.
A shoulder to cry on.
An ear willing to listen."

I will be your ears,
And I will listen
To every single word
You are willing to pour out.

I will be your shoulder to cry on,
Your wall to lean on
when your poison overflows
and makes you weak.

I may not be right next to you
When you are overflowing with poison,
Your demon forming,
But
I will always be with you.
I will always support you.

I will help you let out your demon
That's formed from lies
And I will dispose of the poison
Oozing out of your pores
And rolling off of your tongue.

So please,
Even if you think you're alone
You're not.
I'm here.
I'm listening
And I'll do everything
To rid you
Of the poison flowing through your veins
Injected by others,
And produced by yourself.

Holiday.
Blurs of Red and Green.
The smell of peppermint and pine
lingering in the atmosphere.

Sounds of bells chiming
Ringing
And carolers singing
As churchgoers
also join together in their hymns.

Family
joining together.
Couples
under the mistletoe
and hearing
the crackle
of wood burning
in the fireplace
Enlightening everyone all around
With its warmth.

When one looks out a window
What do they see?
Birds,
The Sun,
clouds,
trees?

Well, when I look out the window,
I see
Freedom.
Everything is outside,
unrestricted,
open to
hurt,
love,
despair,
and hope.

I don't want to
Feel this way,
But I just can't.
And I don't know why,
But I can't stop thinking about you.

Do you do the same for me?
Probably not.

You won't hear me complaining
That it's raining.

You won't hear me sigh
Because of something canceled
Due to the weather.

Rain is
Rejuvenating,
Relaxing,
and Enlightening.
At least for me.

Rain allows me to
Relax
with a nice cup of tea.
Or,
rain allows me,
to think
about all the things
normally looked over
every day.

Rain also allows me to appreciate
more of what's around me,
it's lulling, pulsing rhythm
beating against the drum
called Earth.

Music speaks when words can't.
Isn't that ironic?

Sun shines through the cloud
Rays pierce through floating liquid
Ravishing the sight

It's time to paint.
You pick up your paintbrush
Painting a deep
Crimson
Red.
The paint mixes with your tears.
Your pain,
Your grief
Until you go
Numb.

You paint in secret.
No one understands.
No one sees.
No one bothers to.

But...
I see.
I can see
Your tainted canvas
Your paint,
Your tears.
I can see
And feel
Your pain
And I'm truly
   Truly
       Sorry.
I hug you,
And kiss the canvas.
And toss the paintbrush
Away.
You don't need this.
You don't want this.
But you want an escape.
An escape from it all.

So you paint.
Or...you used to.

I am a mirror.
I show myself
Things
That couldn't possibly be true.
I point out all my imperfections,
And succumb to
worrying about
What's on the outside,
Even though,
it's what on the inside,
that counts.

I am a mirror.
I can be clear,
But over time,
Like an antique
I've become dusty,
cracked,
Gripping
just barely
To the frame
The cracks
are not always visible
on the surface
But over time
They add up
Until the glass
*Shatters.

The leaves fall from the trees
As they flew along
The bittersweet breeze
Away to make anew.

I’m fine.
I really am.
Criticism doesn’t deter me.
It makes me get better in the end.
The ******* people say will make me have the last laugh.
The effort I’m putting in to push people forward is fine, everything’s fine. The sad look in my eyes doesn’t mean anything, I’m just in a fantasy where I can’t appreciate what I have.
Being treated as a number is fine, it’s normal.
I can deal with it. I've been dealing with it.
I’m fine being someone’s comfort, I’m fine with having to be happy for them
Even if I’m crying inside.
I’m fine with keeping these tears in when they threaten to spill.
I’m fine with receiving hate.
I’m fine with giving honest opinions
Yet lying if they hit too close to home.
I’m fine with being a ***** sometimes,
    it’s
        just
            who
                  I
                   am…
I'm fine....
      *Can you see through my lies?

Some say
That one's eyes
Is a way
To see their true self.
Their
  emotions,
      thoughts,
           and
feelings.
But is it really so?

So many people
want to see
this.
They want to know.
They need to know.

For the phrase
"look me in the eyes"
is so widely used
yet
When we look
Do we really see?

Am I okay now?
Sometimes, it's just hard to tell
How I'm feeling
Even to myself.

On a whim
One person
can become your world.
On a whim
One minute
Could seem like forever.
On a whim
One word
Can be someone's salvation
Or downfall.
On a whim,
one word,
one book,
Just one spark
Can fuel the fire
Of a thousand lifetimes.

Someone, please help me
I can't seem to find
The light
That's supposed to be at the end of this tunnel.
Is it just a lie?
Is it just a delusion?

It seems quite common
For people
To wish
And hope
For things
That are undeniably
Too far away
To grasp.
Even if it's close,
Oh so close,
It's just a tease
A mirage
And it strays away
Yet again.

I sat on the floor, my face buried in my hands
Slowly I watched her shadow fade-
Never coming back.
As those words rang in my ears,
Deafening, refining-
Slowly but beautifully killing me.

Never coming back.
I slowly drone her voice piercing me all over
As if a pin kept pricking my body
With enough force to cause an eternal agony-
But not enough to ****,
To put me out of my misery.

My soul, slowly breaking-
Alive, but dead inside.
Her voice, deafening, beautiful-
Never coming back.