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Stxlle Feb 2019
The air is filled with tension whenever we were together. We were opposites yet, we attracted each other. We go together. We compliment one another.

He was a painter and I was his masterpiece.

He made me his sky. I was covered in blue and purple. Every touch was like lightning. Every encounter brought a storm. There was no peace in me. There was no light in him.

He put me together and teared me apart. He built me up and pushed me down.  I told him to leave then begged him to stay. I left him but I came back.

I had to come back.
His coldness brought me warmth and my loneliness brought him company.

We go together in all the wrong ways.
Yet, we stayed with each other because that's all we know.
Wrote this while listening to Hostage - Billie Eilish
Stxlle Feb 2019
I've created the perfect picture in my head
Excitement builds up knowing that I will see it in the flesh
I have it all figured out. I have nothing to worry about.

Whispers of my insecurities roll up into my ear
They tell all the things that I should fear
My cries for help morphed into silent tears
They start to talk about the mistakes I made last year

I have it all figured out. I have nothing to worry about.

My head points at all the flaws in my flawless plan
They constantly tell they aren't a fan
"Its not good enough." "Its not ready."
Their criticism makes me feel slightly unsteady

I have it all figured out. I have nothing to worry about.

My eyes start to see all of my self-doubt
I tell myself to block them out
It caresses my face and wipes my tears away
I've got no other option but to pray

I have it all figured out. I have nothing to worry about.

I can't find support in me but I'll still take my dreams to reality
Wars of the angel and the devil continue in my mind so I tell myself I'm gonna be fine.
Part of me tells me I won't
The other part tells me not to listen and I don't

I have it all figured out. I have nothing to worry about.

Its hard to be a being in conflict with theirself
You win and lose no matter which side you choose
You are your hero and your enemy
You are two in one identity
it be like this sometimes
Stxlle Jan 2019
I've painted a face far from my own
I've painted it thick enough so no one will know

It rained and it poured.
The paint dripped to the floor

I panicked and ran as far as I can.
I covered my face with both of my hands.

I didn't want anyone to see me
Even I didn't want to see who that might be

I haven't seen her in so long
Me and her, we don't get along

She's my little secret that holds all my secrets
To hide her is the only way to keep it

I make sure no one is around then I lock the bathroom door
Its time for another battle in this never ending war

I take my brush and paint over my cracks
I paint layers and layers and hope it'll stay intact.

I take a long look in the mirror
My reflection says to come nearer

I saw the person I wanted to be
I close my eyes and count to three

I was ready to put on a show
I was ready to be someone I didn't know

I walk out with the smile I drew
I am now the person everyone is used to

They don't notice I am not who I portray myself to be
Deep down, I kind of hope they'll see right through me
I've been trying to be that happy person again by pretending to be that person. Suppressing my depression isn't exactly the best option but it feels like the only option. I don't know what to do. People like me for the person I'm pretending to be.
Stxlle Dec 2018
In a world of black and white, they told me to put down my pride so I stood in an alley waiting for my mind to decide.

My thoughts were a mess. It wasn't just black and white. Colors were mixing together and it was a beautiful sight.

I open my eyes and let them paint the Earth. It was bewitching. They showed me how much mother nature is worth.

The world is missing out but I wonder if they can see what I can see.
Who would want to ignore this? or did they chose not to pick reality?

God created this work of art but it's been scratched by mankind.  No one seems to notice but its not that hard to find.

In this colorless world, men can wave hello with blood on their hands.
It makes me shiver that people don't know that the color red will always be a part their plans.

I will not swallow my pride and pretend that I didn't see the palette they are waiting to use. I'll show the people the shades they tried to hide and power they've abused.

He who holds the palette is no artist. Too many strokes of red have been brushed yet the puddles are still left unreported. The man who likes to play God is not to be supported.

Spots of red are scattered everywhere. Yet, he chooses to look the other way. He chooses to live in a fool's paradise and it's a price he's willing to pay.
Stxlle Dec 2018
Gap
My voice will never reach you
You're too far to even hear a sound
I wished you'd hear me but you're never around

I want to find you but you prefer to be lost
I've opened up and hoped you'd still commit
Yet, you'd rather wonder around my little bubble with no plans to decipher it

I've welcomed you inside my comfort zone
Why can't you just try to understand?
You're only interested in finding out how much my little bubble can withstand

Now, I'm pushing you out so you'll never find out
You'll only watch me float away and think "What was that about?"
Idk guys but I've been thing this gap can't explain so I wrote about it
  Nov 2018 Stxlle
Napolis
Still water
resting
at the
bottom
of a
Pacific ocean
tide
pool,

reflections
of you
in my
mind
in the
Sunday
morning
light.

sometimes
I can imagine
I hear you
laughter
carried in
harmony
to me
on a
a salt-kissed
circling
wind.

and I
sit for
a moment
and smile.

I always
smile.

it is
a giving
thing that
you do.

your gentle
manner
of truth
and innocence.

I can always
feel it
there in
you eyes...

you are


where
good  poets
go to
die.
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