it's hard knowing that
i'll wake up tomorrow
wanting the day to end

i never truly minded having
these aches
if it were to mean that my
heart was still beating.
i would still prefer this over
most days where I feel like
my soul has been ****** out
of everything.

so at the very least -
thank you for reminding me that
my soul still resides
in this body that you've left
hanging with nothing to bleed
out but words.

is that no matter how much you wish for it to become a lie, it never will be.

we collided like stars on the vast night sky;
like the skies every time they cry;

but we were two different poles;
each one on a different stand;

you were the angel
and I was just a human on Earth's land;

as sinful as human can be,
all I really wanted was to love you for more than eternity;

and to love you with no boundaries;
but I guess that is just all but a possibility because really?

like they said we were never meant to be

I was in the edge of losing my mind;

Darkness tried to swallow me wherever I hide;
I lost everything including myself.

But there was one thing that remained;
The memories.

and though they were blurred, and weren't the same;
It was more than enough to keep me sane.

“You’re a good man.” He said while leaving.

And I stood there as a tear fell down my eyes. I had left my home because I was unbecoming more and more myself each day. I was afraid that the evil inside had completely swallowed me whole so I ran away. Leaving, thinking I was the devil, and yet here he was – a stranger, telling me that he sees something good left in me that remained, and my heart hurts because I wanted nothing more than to believe him.

some love are habits
you try your best to unlearn —
you try your hardest to break away from them
but they end up breaking you in return.

i write short poetries,
because I am so tired
of keeping these feelings for so long.

sometimes i find myself
slipping into the brink of insanity,
it feels like all it takes
is one last push
before I break completely.

No, but mamma
I am not just an echo
of who you used to be.

but honey,
i knew that I was nothing
more than just your trophy
yet I let myself yearn for something more.

They say pain hurts the most when it comes
knocking on our doors unexpectedly,
but I would beg to differ.
The most painful type of pain
takes years to cultivate.
it is when we,
for some reason
become so used to it
to the point that we become numb,
turning into statues of empty souls
dressing up as humans.

and such painful truth is that
the greatest stories are the most tragic ones

and i find myself asking,
*why do we love?

i'm sorry if i can't live up to what you expect
i tried so hard to be close to your 'perfect'

but i can only handle so little,
so i am sorry if all i can bring you is a lot of disappointments that you can't handle

i hate that i am broken,
and i don't even know where to start fixing me

I give up.

I wore the label, but darling she wore your heart. I know better than to play a losing game but dear, loving you makes me sane.

but then they push you so hard and then wonder why you fell and got broken

And now I feel like a bottle floating around the sea.
But there’s no message or letters behind,
it’s only empty.

but there will always be a painful story with every what used to be...

you promise you'd let me
see the sunrise,
but you didn't tell me
that you'd leave with the moon

But I have built my walls so
high and strong,
that I can't seem to find a way
to break them down.

there are days where
i feel that i am lucky,
and there are days where
i feel that i am not;
there are also days
where i feel like everything is too much,
that all these feelings
are just a lot to take in,
and that i would just explode
considering everything that i am feeling;
but there are days,
no - there are more days
where i feel as though I feel nothing at all,
and that is the worst feeling of it all.

if growing up meant
bottling it all up inside
then i guess we're just
a bunch of dead bodies
drowned in an ocean of our own despairs.

Please don't lie to me,
cause I'll know -
and I will still end up believing you.

you weren't mine to keep,
but you were mine to miss

and as it turns out,
i am but a poet only
of the circumstance;

but if i choose to stop it altogether,
can you be the first one to let me go?

and after everything,
and even despite anything,
you still have every right to be happy.
remember that.

oh and everything is slowly ending,
but i don't know how to
start saying goodbye;

and even if this is
the calm before the storm,
i'd still be glad and grateful,
because i had a day like this,
a day like this.

and then the scars -
they fade away
in the morning.
but deep inside,
everything is still there.

but you have found a home
in someone else's arms,
and I was nothing but a stopover -
before you found your way back to her.

but you didn't have to love me,
i just wanted you
to at least respect me enough
to stop pretending that you do.

and i shall live today
with a more grateful heart,
so that every moment
may turn out to be
the best part.

be yourself
even if
yourself
is just like
the others.

healing hurts.

loud thoughts -
silent tears.

but you have a terrible habit
of glancing up at the sky
then looking down fast
as if you were telling yourself
that you had no right
to admire its beauty

you are love
and chaos
at the same time