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Shi Em Oct 2018
They say pain hurts the most when it comes
knocking on our doors unexpectedly,
but I would beg to differ.
The most painful type of pain
takes years to cultivate.
it is when we,
for some reason
become so used to it
to the point that we become numb,
turning into statues of empty souls
dressing up as humans.
Shi Em Jul 2017
different colored cups,
different seasoned tea,
what a wonderful beauty,
Humanity.
Shi Em Jun 2019
Please don't lie to me,
cause I'll know -
and I will still end up believing you.
Shi Em Mar 2017
but this is reality,
it does not matter if I love you this much,
because in the end - I can only look at you from afar
Shi Em Jun 2020
anxieties —
they keep me up,
and now they long
to wither me down
Shi Em Aug 2017
the world is a judge,
and I am the accused.
no trials were held.
but the verdict was guilty.
Shi Em May 2020
but you have a terrible habit
of glancing up at the sky
then looking down fast
as if you were telling yourself
that you had no right
to admire its beauty
Shi Em Mar 2016
but there will always be a painful story with every what used to be...
Shi Em Jan 2017
and i didn't realize how
destructive this love was;
until i found myself missing
all my parts just to make you
complete
Shi Em Jan 2018
do not be deceived with the illusion that I've painted;
you'd think I'd be the calm after the storm;
but inside this ball of sunshine,
I am nothing but a raging storm.
Shi Em Aug 2020
i hate my weight
and all my weighted thoughts
Shi Em Jan 2017
and so everytime I stare
at the mirror;
all i can see is a remnant
of who i ever was.
Shi Em Feb 2020
healing hurts.
Shi Em Oct 2018
There will be better days
and everything will turn out
to be okay.
Someday.
Yes, soon it will be.
I know that for sure.

-but for the meantime, it is going to be a very long and painful wait.
Just hold on a little while longer.
Shi Em Jul 2019
you weren't mine to keep,
but you were mine to miss
Shi Em Jul 2020
there are happy endings,
and endings that stand
as beginnings,
but sometimes
there are simply just —
endings.
Shi Em Aug 2019
but if i choose to stop it altogether,
can you be the first one to let me go?
Shi Em Mar 2017
sometimes giving up
pushes you to start moving
forward
Shi Em Jul 2017
but love shouldn't feel like
cold brewed caffeine,
on a disastrous winter rain.
Shi Em Nov 2021
these nights —
they hold
the best
and
worst
parts of me.
Shi Em Aug 2020
it's days like today that
makes me want
to crawl out
of my own skin.
Shi Em Jul 2019
for i am but a mere collection of
cluttered thoughts personified.
Shi Em Jan 2017
And now I feel like a bottle floating around the sea.
But there’s no message or letters behind,
it’s only empty.
Shi Em Mar 2017
we take too much of very little things
just to satisfy our never ending cravings
we give too little of what we have too much
because that's how we work,
*us, selfish human beings
Shi Em Jul 2016
but then they push you so hard and then wonder why you fell and got broken
Shi Em Jan 2020
but you didn't have to love me,
i just wanted you
to at least respect me enough
to stop pretending that you do.
Shi Em Jan 2017
i wonder if someone ever
bothered to put back
the pieces of myself that
i've left behind.
Shi Em Sep 2019
and after everything,
and even despite anything,
you still have every right to be happy.
remember that.
Shi Em Aug 2017
I've woven so many words
into these sheets in hopes
that someday it will be enough
to keep me from falling apart.
Shi Em Apr 2017
she was a puzzle in a piece of art
painted down on an empty canvas
as splatters of different colored ink
completing a masterpiece  that cannot be understood
by all **** means
and yet there he was staring,
a tear falling from his eye,
as it pierced through every little parts
of his broke down soul
Shi Em Mar 2017
the words that are left unsaid
are the ones that mean the most
Shi Em Apr 2017
and so she imprints it on a paper,
desperately wishing that it would seal the time,
where she lived, and grieved,
as well as loved,
hoping that in her next lifetime,
she would stumble upon that book again,
innocently scavenging through the pages,
and having it touch her soul,
oblivious to the fact that
it was her memories all along
Shi Em Jun 2019
if growing up meant
bottling it all up inside
then i guess we're just
a bunch of dead bodies
drowned in an ocean of our own despairs.
Shi Em Dec 2019
and then the scars -
they fade away
in the morning.
but deep inside,
everything is still there.
Shi Em Jan 2019
If I could do it all over again,
I'd still choose to have my heart
taken by you
no matter how many times its
bound to break
Shi Em Jan 2019
°.   °.             °.         °  °.         °.   .         .      
°         °            °   .          .   °.     °.   °
    °         °        .         °      °.       . °      °.       .
°      °.          °        .        °       .   °.  
it's hard to stop yourself
   °      .      .      from drowning °.   .   °     °    .°      °.       .       °.       .       °.         .       °      °.       .       °.      when you can't .       °.         .       °.        .    °.    °     when you can't.    °.    °.      .    .    .
°     °.  .       .         °
°  .  even see the water nor the waves 
   you're supposed to be
   °      °.       .       °.       .       °.         .       °.        .    °.    °     °.    °.     °.      .    .    .
°     °.       .     °  fighting °.  °    °.   °     °    .°      °. °      °.       .       °.       .       °.         .       °.        .    °.    °     °.    °.     °.      .    .    .
°     °.       .       °.       .       °.         .       °.        .    °.    °     °.    °.     °.      .    .    .
°     °.  .    .     °.      °.      °°      °.       .    °.   .    °.    .    °.       °.   °      °.       .
          °.         °.    °
you
Shi Em Mar 2015
you
somewhere behind that never ending darkness,
is someone who wants to be loved
and treasured;

someone whose waiting and waiting,
despite of the fact that it's slowly
losing it's last ember;

you can't see it because it's always behind
the shadows,

waiting for the time that you'll gradually
discover its

w o r t h

but can't you see?
that someone is

y
o
u

your heart has been waiting for far too long
to love yourself for once that
it's slowly covered in bruises and scars;

far too long that it's almost covered itself in
a labyrinth of pain with the hopes of
what could've been and
what could never been;

and maybe,
it's finally time to give yourself a
little rest.
Shi Em Jun 2018
you are the draft
of my poetries
that I have kept hidden.
you've taught me how to render
all these feelings to be unspoken.

you are the song
by which the octave
of my voice can't reach;
and yet I still try to sing you in secrecy.

you are the art
that my simple mind
can't seem to understand
but it's okay, because I feel you
and that's what gives these emotions
an infinite ampersand.

you are all these,
and yet to me, you are still nothing.
because in this life, that is all we are, and is all what we are ever going to be: nothing.
and I - although it hurts, have learned the hard way on how to accept that.

— The End —