in the bathroom.
palms sweating, heart racing.
in the mirror.
eyes screaming, hard breathing.

as my emotions overwhelm me;
crashing down like a thousand seas.
my reasons to live diminish.

'what the **** is it gonna take for you to understand?'
'where is your control Rachael?'
'your life is disappointing beyond words.'
words from the people I love.

i try, i'm trying.
i lie, i'm lying.
but i tried, i promise.
no i lied, i'm sorry.

one more time i'll cry,
because i no longer have the strength to get by.
it's a ******* pain to be a pain..
so why not end it all?

blade in hand, wrist in sight.
my only wish is to end my plight.

so selfish, so selfish.
think about those who care for you.
i don't give a ****.
i swear for this is what they wish.

sitting in my blood with my demons..
fully aware that they have won.
could've swore i heard them say to Satan..
'this time we have her, it's nearly done.'

losing consciousness, i smile..
on my way to hell.
hey, i'll see you in a while.
you know it,
i can tell.

-{r.r.r.w}

~~♡~~♥~~♡~~


"Hush little baby, don't you cry,
mama's here for you only
and tomorrow she will buy
all the pretty little ponies

black and brown
tan and roan
all the pretty little ponies"

lullaby sung by my mother
when I was a child


there I lay
at end of the day
safe in my mother's arms
she had a voice
so soft and low
I succumbed to its charms

I don't remember
her grey eyes
so full of care and pain
I recall her dear soft breast
and those sweet refrains

later on in life I found
she was very ill
mood swings plagued her
all her days
and then they had no pill.

she was not a
stable mom
she was always up or down
but she tried the best she could
when she was around

I won't forget her lilting voice
though she was in despair
she made those ponies
twirl and dance
to show her child

she cared.


soulsurvivor
2/7/2015