Sometimes we wonder why the people in out life's stick around.
We think we are such terrible people no one should love us.
You wonder how people find you beautiful when you can't even stand to to look in the mirror.
You spend time boosting others self esteems because you can't boost your own.
You see the beauty in everyone else but you can't find an ounce of it in yourself.
Always looking to make your presence known,
so you're not forgotten about. You look for the good in all the bad.
You look for a reason to live,  
only to find more reasons to die, 
isn't that sad?
This world is so ******* up.
They say people who act less happy are just being deprressed.
Maybe everyone else needs to take of the rose tinted glasses that make everything seem so perfect.
This world is all about money, 
***, 
drugs, 
technology, 
unreasonable body images for everyone to try to become.
No one is noticing the world falling apart.
You stick to yourself trying to make sure no one notices you falling to pieces.
Telling everyone you're OK,
putting on your mask and walking away.
Life just gets harder each and every day.
You latch on to what is left,
the tiny ounce that tells you to get up,  get dressed.
It's not that you're afraid to die, 
afraid of death.
you're afraid of how it will affext others around you.
You think of everyone else instead of yourself.
Everyone's happiness comes before yours.
You're tired all the time and no one seems to notice.
They don't notice your tears, 
how much you try, 
the smile you fake, 
or the battles you face.
They notice your flaws,
your mistakes, 
anything that will make you look down on yourself.
No one cared to help you learn perfection in your imperfections.
No bodies perfect and everyone has  a dark kind of beauty inside them.

searching for the words to say.
you know those
that chase thoughts away
that force the confidence
that I have in these words
to dissipate.
I love you.
seems so easy.
but in the past have been the catalyst
causing the whole thing to go aray.
those words which carry so much depth
yet hold not enough weight.
to convey what I'm actually trying to say.
I love you.
but I don't mean it that way.
your thoughts
your being
the way your hips sway
all have broken the walls I have built
until this day.
I love you.
but makes the words so hard to say
to your face.

Thanks for all your love,
But it is still a goodbye.
It is hard to tell you why?
You have given myself back to me,
The love, you have shown me.
I thought we could at least be friends,
But after a call you leave me deranged.
So even though I care for you,
It is still a goodbye.
I am writing this to you,
To let you know you are not alone.
Only if you could see what I really want?
So even though I loved you wholly,
It is still a goodbye.  
Those few days of joy we shared,
I want us to remember that we cared.
You always be one of the pillars,
Who has supported me in my prayers.
You will always be the one,
Who made me believe in love.
You showed me how much I deserve,
I can do more than I can see.
Even though I will always miss thee,
It is still a goodbye...

where you have neglected to look
there I will be
hands clasped, waiting patiently
for a hug or a kiss
maybe even a smile to grace your lips.

I will wait for you to call me back
into your heart -

so that I will no longer wither
alone
and apart from you.

this dull ache in the back of my head
beckons me ever closer
to the edge of this miserable existence,
a painkiller

one step closer to the end
of another chapter
of another life

I am so tired
and no longer do I have it in me
to fight.