Thanks for breaking me
*i give up

-I can't live right now
Lips moving fast
Words I can't hear
-I think death might be near
Scrambled thoughts
Breaking bones
-Why don't you try it?
Everything fades
You start to pace
-Overdose on feeling
I might stop
Take me away
-Soliloquie ahead
Danger danger
We tape what has ripped

Your eyes land on mine
And I know I've broken something
I'm going to regret breaking
At some point
But right now
Just for right now
It's sweet relief in my veins
Singing happily
Beating through my ears

You feel so wrong for me
But I can't stop my heart from making my decisions for me

Dark ghosts under
Deep wild eyes
Make me wonder what you do at night
Instead of sleep
Crazy smiles tug on the lips I once loved too thoroughly
The jaw I once memorized shadowed with unhygienic ways
Where have you been?
You say you're no good anymore
The world ****** you up
And this is what crawled out of the abyss
Searching for light to live in

Your eyes tell me far more than your mouth ever could
You care and love  
Deeper than you say you can
You push me away to keep yourself sane
But what am I if I'm not crazy?
Everyone is
So why try and fight it
Let me in
This brick wall can't hide you forever

Blasting my music to drown the memories in my head
They repeat over and over
Taunting me with their bittersweet taste
I can still feel your fingerprints on my skin
Nothing will replace that feeling
When we were together it felt real
I felt alive
I guess you didn't feel the same way

Screaming into pillows
Forcing my fist through walls
Killing myself with every dumb tear
Self doubt and loathing stitched into my bones
Trying to think of something else than the moments we shared
And how your name sounded on my tongue

I'm worse than a dog
When it comes to falling in love
A few minutes of talking
And that's it
I'm done and over
Completely into you

Coming home to an empty house
Waking up to cold sheets and
A lonely life the one that I live
Continually I am alone

My innocence is nowhere to be found
Lost in a sea of raging emotions
Tears, hate, confusion
Bitter I have become
Testing with my tongue to see if situations are safe
Where I used to barge in and not give a ****

We're destined to fall apart
If distance doesn't do it
We'll break and snap
Twisting out of each other's life
Causing tidal waves of pain
Crashing into your brain and waves reaching out toward the eyes
We won't be able to work this one out
We can't fix the desolate bridge
Fixing you to me
We fell out of love
There's nothing we can do now

Will you help me save myself
I've done it all before
It would be nice if there was one
Person by my side
Holding my hair
And keeping me sane
With small talk and good coffee
Just don't let me break
Alome

Why are you crying?
I know the answer as to my tears
I'm just not sure how to put it into words
I hurt
Everywhere
Both physically
And mentally
As I'm driving I gravitate to the edge
Getting closer and closer
Feeling the pull where the gravel meets dirt
I have the power
To do damage to everyone who loves me
I can end this pain
What is there to wake up to in the morning
What can keep the tires on the road
I don't want to know how
I need to know if something anything will
Make this horrid existence continue

Two ordinary pieces
Fixed perfectly together
Steadfast in love
Bound for a lifetime
Just two

Death is like losing something
You wanted to keep forever

There are so many deadly things in this world
That could hurt me
But really I'm concvinced
You're the most toxic
Of them all

I just want the burn I feel
When your fingers scratch my back
And your body hovering over mine
While your eyes search me
With a wink
I scream

I wish I could go numb
And stop breathing for a little while
Maybe then the tears would
Just stop flowing down my face
And if I did
How would you feel?
Would you really even give a ****
Would I be something like the sunset
To you
Something you can't touch but feel
Or would I be the bump in the road
That blew your tire
To which you had a spare

Our family is stretched over four individuals
So far apart
The stretch is unbearable if you look too Long
We try to fix this; talk, laugh, stay together
We forget for awhile why it's so hard to communicate
Then we each remember
Go off into our corner of this big empty house
You could hear a pen drop
In this deafening silence that we all ignore
So we don't feel bad  about it.
What can we do to stop the stretch from breaking
When she left we were done
And now we have next to nothing

If I took a look around
Would I see what's bothering you?
If I just watched for a bit
Would I understand your feelings?

So many stars in my nights sky tonight
I'm counting every one
For you
Not because you wanted me too
But because I wanted you to see just
How much I love you
I'll keep counting every night
For the rest of my life
I'll always have hope with
You right here by my side
So lay next to me on the grass
Pitch black night
Our only lights will be the stars
Hold my hand and
We'll be alright
Even if it's just for tonight

I want to say you're adorable
Which means a lot for me
And that you are a freak
Which is okay
Cause I  am too
But you're afraid of heights and I'm afraid of flying
So if we fall it may be disastrous

Your absence is deafening
Bleeding through every empty space
We bumble around
Looking for you
In the places you used to occupy
Everything is gray
And lonely
Tears are inevitable
Every night spent curled up
Taking hot showers to forget
If I'm crying or if it's just the water
Streaking down my face

Your madness works at me
Takes me apart
Deciphers my biggest secrets
I don't interfere
You understand me for a strange reason
I like it
It's been awhile since I've
Appreciated someone like you
You fuel me
As you put me back together
Don't walk away
You can't go

You make me think there's a chance
One for love
Maybe
But then
You change your mind
I think
I hope you don't think we're a game
I don't
And I don't want to play

There's nothing I can do
But drown in this feeling
All for you
Crying and spinning
Laughing and dying
You deserve to live
Just as much as I deserve
To not live
I wish it was me
6ft underground
While you lie crying
But I will never see you again
And I didn't get the chance to say
Goodbye

Bad luck
What did I do
Did I break a mirror or maybe two
Did I step on a few too many cracks
Could it be something worse
Maybe I tricked fate and won
In a battle I didn't know was real

I don't understad why this is all
Happening to me
Break a leg they said
They also said I may have taken that
Too seriously

You break my bones like tooth picks
And act like it was no small feat
Good job
You broke me
Well I broke me too
A long time ago
So
I win

The sun shines
Even on rainy days
You just can't see it
But what happens when
Everyday is a rainy one
When you never actually get to see
the sun
You know it's there
It's still warm
But you lost it
And you can't seem to find it
And every night gets darker
And darker
You cover your head with blankets
And tuck your feet in
Hoping the night won't get dark enough
To consume you

Love doesn't exist with people like you
You destroy your life
You create to break it down
Burning what feels right
Why? Why? Why?
What's wrong with you
You feel like this because... Of what?
Are you broken?
It's harsh to think that this
Is me.

All the soap in the world couldn't wash your fingerprints from my skin

Death is all around me
So much that
It's soaking into my skin
Permeating my rash existence
Crushing what hope I had
Replacing it with
A helpless feeling
That takes over
Leaving me empty

The Jolteon

It's perfectly okay
To
feel out of place
To
Want to change yourself
To
Feel alone
And be misjudged
To
Get your heart broken
And break someone else's
To
Have bad luck sometimes
But please don't
Act upon these feelings
In terrible way
Don't hurt yourself
Don't throw yourself away
And make mistakes you could've avoided
Always know someone cares
Even if you're sure that no one does

You took me for granted
When I was in need
You swore on a promise
You didn't really mean
So you took advantage
Of a person like me
And what did it do for a soul like yours?

You only have eyes for him
He's only ever loved you
You fight,  scream,  don't talk
He leaves or you do
But never for good
Twenty years and two children
Love still burns bright and wild
Behind their eyes
You can see it
In the way they speak
And look at each other
The kind of love that lasts
The kind I can only hope for

Your legs gave out on you
Just as I thought my tear ducts had
Given up on me
But at the sight of you dragging your
Skeletal carcass across the floor
Once again Tears sprung to my eyes
Dampening the cloth of my shirt
As you tumble trying to get to your feet
I try to help
To reason with you
This is not the end
Why won't you listen?

I never knew that this was a bone until you got skinny enough for me to see it
You're a skeleton with a layer of skin
How many ribs do you have?
I could count them
And your vertebrae...
I could count those too
Your skin hangs from your body
Trying to leave while you're still alive
You drag yourself around
On your ****
Hoping no one sees
How are you still alive?
When I can't see your heart beat
But I can see all the rest of your insides
Squirming to get free

It's 12:08
I'm still awake
Thinking and thinking
Making me brave
Not brave enough, I don't think
To tell
My
Secret

Kiss me
And tell me everything is going to be
Alright
Tell me
You love me
But don't lie
Actually mean it this time
I hope you mean it this time
If you don't love true
Walk away
Run if you have to
In the opposite direction in which
I do
Maybe I need you
I don't want to find out
So break all that we made
And stop lying

You grabbed some letters
Threw them into words
Stuffed them down my throat
And told me to sing
It's a terrible thing,
Making words into sentences
When they aren't your own
They came from you, not me,
Now take them back
But you won't
I'll be stuck with them
As I regurgitate your words
They burn up my throat
And come to life in my mouth
To be set free
Slippery and broken
Rattling through my teeth

What is the price of love when
All you get is ***
You think it's right and worth it
And that you love them
But it's not right
He's not the one
Neither is she
Why do we 'make love'
When the love should already be there
We call it this in hopes of connecting love and ***
But love is not that, it is made over years not minutes

I need something to hate myself for
But the truth is
I already have so much that I hate
About myself and what I've done
It's so easy
To make mistakes in this world
And after every mistake and lie
I feel myself begin to crack
Because
Of everything I hate
I will punish my mistakes with hate
For myself and only me
No one deserves the hate I have
For myself

My eyes leaking with salt water
Pain in my chest
A ball of clay jammed in my throat
I reach for you when I know
You are not there
I take your memory and rip it apart
Then scramble for the pieces
I want you here with me again
Bawlin on the floor I break and let it go
I push all that away from me
What has been locked up inside
But keep only one piece of you
Always inside of me
To sit and
Cry

Oh no oh no
Death is near
All the good things are gone
And the bad things are here

I ran from you
But I ran in the wrong direction
Straight into his arms
Strong
Warm
But soon they turn
Cold
Too tight
Making it hard to move
I waiting until he was weak
Weak enough to shatter
Shatter and run away
Something I was getting very good at