Depression is like quick sand
You don't know you've walked right into it
Until you start sinking
And you can't get out

Everything gets blurry
Through teary eyes
Emotions spilling over
Wet and black smearing
On a sweater sleeve
Red eyes shinning in the low light
Looking in them is a mistake
They lead you to sad places
Hospital rooms and X-ray machines
Foolish children in hallways
Rumors in every corner
Bickering parents behind
Closed doors
Muffled screams into pillows
Ever haunting gymnasium in
Every dream
These places that follow her
That shatter her heart
And break her soul
That mold her into who she is now

Sometimes
I find it hard to breathe
I find it harder to live
But it's easy to quit
So why not quit
Take the easy way out
Is that really what I want
That will never be the answer
Never
Even though
When I think of what has happened
That's when my throat closes
When I go back to that day
That very second
Right before the pain
I know I was happy
And that happiness beckons me
With all the force I have
I attempt to fight it
But how can I when that's really all I want
I'm not there yet
That fact
Is the one that keeps me up at night
And ruins all of my dreams
That claws at the corners of my mind
Grasping the dark edges
And hanging on
Feeling like cold knuckles against warm skin
Bringing out cold thoughts
And brittle memories
The ones that break me down a size or five
That put me in a corner
And lock me up
Feelings only begin to sway around the room
Positive and negative collide
Making everything black and white
And unreadable
That's when I know
Exactly what I must do

You're too skinny
I can't help you
You don't understand your own name
I do nothing
You're cramped and confused
I try
You look as fragile as a butterfly's wing
What can I do?
You can't hear the questions I ask
I talk louder
You limp when you walk
I wish I could save you
You don't want to eat
I know you're breaking
You can't leave me
I don't know how I'll go on without you
You bring tears to my eyes
I can't help you
The light in your eyes has been fading for moths now
I've been too worried about myself to notice
You're old but you're mine
I can't breathe
You leave, silently retreating into the night
I hear one final breath
One final heartbeat
I don't know what feeling is
I'm numb
You're beyond fixable
I crack under the weight of losing you
And shatter all across floor
Only pieces you could pick up
I may never be fixed

I didn't know I would need someone else's heart
So that mine didn't feel so alone
With my heart beat matching another's
A beautiful resonance  
I didn't know I would need the heat
That someone else produced
I used to have so much of my own
Now I just feel cold
And alone

I will leave you breathless
And craving for more
Or afraid of everything you ever knew
Pulling away from those you love
I will make you aware of why
Hurricanes are named after women
And what it looks like after the storm
Your life may be a mystery to you
But I know what I do with mine
I break things
That don't deserve to be broken
Like your fragile heart
That I broke in two
After all this time I've tried to fix myself
Now I just accept my flawed existence
I find myself in what I break
It's wrong
I know
But it's me
Finally I'm me

Electricity cackles in my veins
Sings through my ears
To make everything clear and new
Breaking boundaries
I never realized I put up
Slashing cords I used to use to pull myself together
My strings that connected me to the world
Like I was the puppet and fate the puppeteer
The blasting feeling still pumping around my blood stream
Splitting my skin
Opening the box I called my body
Awakening someone I don't know
But will soon

Pushed to a breaking point
Everyone has one
I just never thought I would find mine
My breaking point
Held promises that would mislead me
Hurt far more than anything expected
Pain
Time
Pain
Longer waits
Hesitation
Broken promises that got me nowhere but behind
Battles wage until it ends
The end is close yet far
Unreachable but able to be tasted

I am clay
Molded by many hands
Into many shapes
Each person shapes me differently
They don't know what exactly they're doing to me
They think I am the one molding
But I cannot mold myself any longer
You have that power over me
The way you round my edges
And crease my face
That's how you do it
Sometimes I wish you all knew
What exactly was happening
But then I wonder
Would you care enough to stop
Or would you continue
Because you need me
You need to mold someone with your bare hands
To feel superior to something
Even if it kills me
I don't know
Maybe I don't mind anymore
I'm not me anymore
I'm here for you

I easily pushed you aside
I never actually got attached
I'm sorry
It's who I am inside
That screws me up the most
Kissing with no emotions
Stable ground I walk on
Where you tiptoe on the edge
I admire who you have morphed into
But I would never wish you
Upon myself
It's too risky
Entertaining feelings that could and will break you apart
I will step aside
And allow myself the simple pleasure
But never fully touching someone else
Wholeheartedly I push myself with inanimate objects that could only hurt me with my permission
People are too dangerous
Recognizing this error
I am comfortable how I am
My heart always on the back burner
Never the decision maker
I only trust of this my brain

I hate being the strong one
The one everyone knows they can rely on
When I cry they're confused
I'm not the one who can do that
When I break they don't get it
I can't do that either
But I do
And I fix things before I give them to others
My smile
My laugh
Everything I say
I filter it into what they need
They need to hear it so I say it
Sometimes I forget
And I show them who I really am
I show them the person I am behind the strength
The fragile being I truly am inside
They get scared and confused
And run away from me
Or they stay and try to fix me
I don't appreciate that
I fix myself by helping you
And if you start helping me
I may just fall apart completely

I have violence in my heart
Pumping it's way through my veins
Sneaking all around my body
I can feel it
Whispering in my ear
Tugging at my fingers
Coursing through my legs
As I run
From the person I though I knew
So so well
Who turned out to be
A stranger
That lived in me all along
My shadow
Who just now took over
Instead of licking at my heels
It caught up to me
Tackled me and yet I stand
You can't touch me
And I can live

It hurts so bad I forgot how to cry
I still smile through each day
Stumbling
Blind
To everything I feel
Blundering towards the unknown
Not a tear will fall
Sometimes
It just gets hard to see
Hard to push my numb legs to walk
And my tingling fingers to feel again
Blatantly lying to each face i see
A smile will make them forget,
My scream
Tear-filled eyes bubbling up
Clenching and unclenching fists
The inability to breath  
My lungs burn as I give up the ability
To fight back
I can't run I am stuck

The dust covered lane in which you lie
Is untouched, pure, majestic
The blue of your eyes
So like the blue of the open sky
Are covered
Unknowing of all you could be seeing
The pale skin of your smooth body
Breathtakingly similar to the pale of the snow
If I had not know better I would say
You are dead
You are Unchanged by seasons
Not withered by time
Perfect in the sense of the word
Yet catastrophe rages
Underlying pain behind  
Still eyelids
Stiff joints
Porcelain
Thoughts we will never know
Scream within their boundaries
Pushing you over the edge
Casting you far away
With no need to return
Wrapped up in all you now know
Uncaring for the rest
You are in pain but
Finally
At peace

Why do we settle for less when we can have it all
We can push ourselves past
Recognition
Past rejection
With everything on the line
You still have something
Unless you sell your heart
Then all you have is a corpse
Of who you used to be
Don't push to hard
You may intend to find yourself
But
May indeed lose yourself
In the adventurous process

I watch you
Your heart battered
Bruised and bandaged
You push yourself
Beyond who you truly are
For someone else's pleasure
You do it to yourself
Each and every time
You give more than you will ever
Get in return
You get your heart shattered
Many times In a years time
I see that
And realize
I do everything possible
To avoid such wreckage
I break others
Cast away feeling
When they get to close
Continually build walls
That will never be overtaken
Invincible walls build on
Your experiences with
Deceivers

Thoughts of that
Moment
Circle the drain
What happened
Didn't need to
Could've been misplaced
Amongst others
But
What would it be like
Without the
Memory
Pain
Agony
Would it have been better
Or would I have ended up this way
Anyway

I am the kind of person
Who will
Do anything for what she wants
I am also the person
Who loses interest and gets bored
Very quickly
Please if I want you
Walk away
All I do is burn love
Breaking it into thousands of pieces
Crushing what I can get ahold of
Spoiling the sweet part of it
That's who I am
Burning bright
While I take you apart

You
You can't be the answer to all my problems
You can't make me, mold me,
Into someone I'm not
And yet
You managed to make my life yours
You took it upon yourself to make me yours
Yours and no one else's
You made that clear to everyone
Including me
And then
You pushed too hard
At me and broke my bones
I finally realized how shackled I was
The cage I was in
Grew smaller and smaller
Your clutch on me tightened
You knew I was scared of what you are
You replied with madness
I gave you up
Pushed you away to breathe
You screamed my name for nights
I walked away

All we can think about is you
You are the only remnants that holds us all together
You're the glue that keeps this masterpiece standing
If you leave what do we have
I don't want to find out
But it's inevitable
These things are always unavoidable
It's crazy how much I know this is going to hurt
I want to focus on you as much as possible
Everything keeps me from you
You need help
And I can't fix you
If you go
I will too
Maybe not all of me but most
You're the only piece that can
Finish my puzzle

Why do we do this
Why am I so stupid
What can't you do that I need
I love you but I hate you more
The hate outweighs the love by much  I said that I needed you at one point
I may have been lying
Because I'm fine here
Without you and all of your crazy
But what was it really that forced us
To be friends in the first place
To create that bond I'm trying so hard to break
What is it about you that breaks me
Breaks me down into little pieces
Every syllable of Every word
And every feeling you make me feel
Maybe that's just it
I have a need to break things
So I build us up only
To break us down
Because I need that
Nothing else in this world can I break
More than everything we have
That's me
That's why

Blood stains clothing not skin
If it did however
Your hands would be dripping
Never ending
You make me bleed
Inside and out
From the heart
That's where you start
Then you drag your fingers
Across my beaten flesh
And lick your lips with desire
For everything you do you enjoy
No matter how horrible
Or gory
Your eyes burn with contempt
Every drop of blood you take
Is taken from me
I should've have let you take it
Right from the start
But I trusted you
With my most valuable possession
My heart
You shredded it with your teeth
And sliced it with your own heart
Though it may not beat
It is cold as ice
And sharp to the touch
That's how you broke me down
And brought me to your level
I don't know how I feel anymore
Because you posses me