So
My thoughts are consumed by you
man who I hardly know
man whose name sounds like a cartoon dinosaur
man who is twenty years my elder
man who likes the company of other men.

Man who plants vegetables and herbs in his backyard
whose brother died in an accident six years ago
man who wears wire-rimmed glasses
and keeps his pepper-flecked hair combed neatly in a part.

I hope you will forgive me for being so forward
because your name has no business rolling off my tongue
when I am driving alone in my car
and the thought of you has no right to cast a smile on my face
like a reflex
natural and involuntary.

But I couldn't go another day
without saying I am not in love with you but you make me feel
something.
A lukewarm sentiment, I know, but you are fire
rushing down my throat
and not filling me up
and leaving my heart wanting (more).

Man who is neither short nor tall, thin nor fat
who keeps surplus basil in his freezer
man whose face I imagine so often I can no longer see
man who my hands so badly want to touch
man who will never love me.

I just wanted to let you know.

Slower and sadder,
Jealous and envious.
Happier and brighter,
Loud and raucous.

Looks like waiting seemed better,
Hopeful heart setter.
Looks like I saw an illusion,
a needed delusion.

An option was made,
A second choice created.
Time might have fixed it,
Waiting might heal it.