tonight i desire a kind of life
that parents would name disappointing
i would live through lonely skyscrapers
that were much better known as my haunting

to dress in gowns as black as my future
and sing the blues to desperate smirks
as they grab my thigh in a hollow lust
and to let them would double my whole night's work

straight ***** would become my drink
ordered at bars where they welcome my type
leopard coats swung over a slippery stool
while i'm in the bathroom, with men who knew i might

i'd ride the subway in the early hours
with that almost vulnerable stare i flash
smeared lipstick and a desire of death
hoping this nightly routine would stand as my last

"you've acquired new scars,
birthed since the last time,
i saw you so bare."

   he buries his arousing discovery
into my patchwork skin
kissing each neat slit like they make him want me more
   like the ground within his bones begin to rattle, losing control
forcing him to rip open the barely healed seams and watch my blood pour
his gaunt eyes seeping with lust

"i love you, my girl,
regardless of the controversy you create."
  
  though we know it isn't regardless of,
it's because of
which is why, in 6 months to this date,
when it's time to want me again
exposing me to the slaughterhouse beauty pageant we become
he will discover further harm,
wounds dedicated to his fleeting lust

and if i splutter complete honesty
i never stopped checking up on you
asking friends of friends who might know a guy
just what it is that's dragging you through

i wasn't at least surprised
by your callous gaze on me
another name, another notch
on the bedposts where you can't sleep

i learnt through that december
that a kiss can be empty after all
that a label i so easily dismissed
really does means 'just friends' and nothing more

i know it silently haunts you
losing the first honest thing you'd ever known
but it's hard to sympathise with a boy
that swears love to girls who then walk home alone

it's the ache that blossoms between your rib cage
gnawing through all you thought was stone

it's the electricity that needles through your bones
slicing hope of ever holding a steady hand again

it's the violent **** of such a feathered nerve
shredding all that you wish to be settled

"But I'm sad tonight."
I cry, clinging to the soles of your damp leather shoes
"Drop it all and put me first."
I demand, spitting control like blood that I can't bare to lose
"I'm disappointed again."
I sigh, venting a rhyme though my heart knows it can't move
"Nothing changes with you."
I whisper, the blame game being my subtle grand ruse

i'm nothing but a cliche
doubting everything we were
but who can blame me for these questions
when you lay in bed with her

two weeks, that's all it took
for you to fall out of love with me
despite your concern of the end
you're coping fine, even comfortably

i feel my inspiration slipping
i can't think, let alone write
because when i do it leads back to you
and all i do is cry

for too long i felt
that to explore new skin
would be nothing more
than the biggest betrayal

but in today's early hours
i discovered the beauty
and overwhelming love
for an old friends simple exhale

my courage has escaped me
deserted me, at best
it knew i was no good for long
and ran just like the rest

i bathe in the loneliness
the one i longed for once
the peace and quiet makes me hollow
and i'll admit, i've regretted it since

not one body earns a life
by distancing themselves from the world,
from politics

not one body can be saved
not one body can learn, nor teach

when you bury yourself beneath the battlefield,
you are the first trampled upon

i'll stitch you back up
slowly, but diligently
until you can stand well again
and maybe even proudly

i'll race to your door
even to sit in true silence
just so you feel company
in your abode of familiar sadness

i'll sing you 'til you sleep, my dear
to the tunes i know you like
even if only 'til you nightmares pass
and rest their vicious fight

i'll speak words of only honestly
because false hope won't help you now
but i swear that if i could find a cure
then i'd fix you, someway, somehow

time and time again
we wrung ourselves dry
we'd rather sadly run out of love
than admit we didn't try