I'm a self flagellator with a long
memory
I collect my whips carefully
with painful precision
I love you like a poet
you love me like a mathematician

That's my job, it's what I do
assign a number to your pain
to get a bill paid
like that's all it is, a number

But I'm happy to use that code
instead of another
that you made it somehow
to tell the doctors
you regretted it the moment you did it
and they all say that

this isn't the right job for me, I take a bit too long
because when I read things like your story
I have to stop, take a sip of my coffee
close my eyes
and think of where you are, which room, which bed
and send you thoughts and energy and anything I can muster
I don't believe in things like that
generally
but it's the only thing I can do

I'll always remember the sister
asking if he'll play guitar again
not understanding what brain dead is

I can't imagine

I won't feel pity
nor will I say sorry

I'll tell her
You are strong

Stronger than those lost bones
Than the lost flesh

I can't imagine

not touching the ground
even if I'm always in the clouds

I can't imagine not walking to my bed
even when I'm always there

to never touch the bathtub floor
water flowing around my toes

I know you're afraid
and scared of a sudden loss

You've lived a long life
I know you can overcome this
and heal

It'll take a while for the light to come in

It takes 8 minutes for sunlight to reach earth
You've seen it come and go
for over sixty years

Let us see it a few more

hey there pianist
play us something please
wipe away those dusty keys
and bring us to our knees

why hum those tunes
when you can play
guide these voices on their way
and show us how its done

i know you miss those wildin' days
when your hands flew up and down
try once more, don't be shy
and stop with that ol' frown

i see your fingers itch and search
when you hear a melody
to replicate that very sound
this is your only remedy

hey there pianist
play us something please.

i stumble over my words now.
it's a fight to wrestle them out of my mouth,
when before the flowed out like a river.

i'm fainter now.
it's a struggle to remember
that my new friends don't find me annoying
and that i don't need to lag behind,
waiting for an invitation.

i'm worse now.
summer is ending and all i have to show
is a quieter me
    a nervous me
    a wish-i-wasn't-here me
    a why-can't-i-just-do-something me

    a second-rate me