it's been so long since I was happy
2 years, if I recall.
it was simple, weird and cruel
but now I hate it,
more and more.

if I pursued someone else, I'd be happy.
hung up and I always fall.
I've always realised, I'm the fool
and I hate me,
more and more.

every time I close my eyes ,I see
the me who was happy.
his smile was as wide as it can be
as he wished things wouldn't change for an eternity

as the darkness envelops me, I see clearly
the mistakes I made back when I was happy.
I was a fool that believed i could be loved
by someone like you who was way above.

in the end, it was darkness who was with me.
it held my hand as cried to sleep
and told me that he's there for free
as it hugged me tight while I weep.

my mind is dark, like my world in reality.
my heart slowly hardens and is turning into stone
as my body fell due to gravity
as I lay there, on my cold, pavement throne.

some day you'll meet a boy who will love you as i do and that love will scorch the breath from your lungs and bring you to your knees.

his love will tear at your breast and dare the cold to touch the skin that he has claimed.

his love will be a fierce thing.

it will scream with bared teeth and red rimmed eyes, as storms are wont to do when trapped inside something so small as a heart.

What an odd ingredient sadness is.  

It salts a tear, bittersweets a kiss,
Hungers us for the things we miss,
Ever abundant, such a convenient thing,
I can find it in everything.

A death, a birth, I cry for both,
Gild a sorrow, a wistful hope,
Ripe melancholy I savour most,
Yet a pinch too much is a lethal dose.

I was often told it shouldn’t be,
But the clown that frowns was the perfect me,
Thin taunt and cackle, ghosts everywhere,
Sometimes I hide, but it’s still right there.

Perhaps I’ll woo this lifelong friend,
Embrace this thing I cannot mend.
Odd comfort in a peculiar way,
To know this thing is here to stay.

this last confession to you
is something I dread.

feelings I've kept
are haunting me like the dead.

these things I'll say to you
are the last nonsense you'll hear.

because I fear that I'll shatter
and everyone would cheer.