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courtney Jun 2019
i was clay that turned soft in your hands
you were the creator that taught me to stand
you sculpted my mind
ran ringers down my spine
you created something when i was nothing
and when you leave for something new
i will stand here waiting for you
because i am just a little clay girl
who has your signature in her skull
00/18
courtney Jun 2019
peel the flesh off my bone
reveal my soul to that of your own
let's create a moment of intimacy
intimacy, not between our bodies
but between our minds
let us dance among each other
and create a bind
that even the next love
cannot hide
11/08/18
courtney Dec 2017
i see it in your eyes
the lust
you say you love me,
but is the love still there
do you know the difference between lust and love
are you day-dreaming
hello
this is reality

is it my heart that you want
or only my body
you can't love something that you only feel lust for
i see it in your eyes
that spark of love no longer shines
it's lust that i see,
burning through,
lighting up the darkest nights

i feel it
your eyes on my body
they no longer radiate with admiration
bu instead need
need
not for my heart, my love, my soul
but for my body lying beneath you
a filthy soul you've become
wanting nothing more than intimacy

where's the love gone to
flushed down the drain along with our plans for the future
our future
we were supposed to have forever
but now it's down to one night
one night for you to get what you want and leave me a mess
alone, scared
what should i do
what can i do

i hate myself
i hate myself because i still love you
i know i should hate you
for what you did
but i can't
you said you loved me
i believed you
but now i wonder if lust had been love all this time

maybe you never knew the difference between lust and love

maybe you never loved me at all
written: 08/28/17
courtney Dec 2017
"mirror, mirror on the wall
who's the fairest of them all"

i see my reflection

is it broken
i'm not pretty
my eyes are too narrow
my legs are too long
my stomach is too big from dinner
how could i possibly be fair

"mirror, mirror on the wall
who's the fairest of them all"
i repeat it
over and over
but the image remains
angry
i swing my fists
and along with the shattered pieces
my reflection falls to the floor

i slump to the ground
"why won't you work"
i cry
then i look at the mirrored fragments
my reflection no longer there

on a slim piece near my hand
there's a reflection of a young girl
she's moving but her eyes are closed
she travels using only four senses
she has lost the fifth
the young girl stumbles
and flails her arms
she cannot see
for she is blind

she would be grateful for a set of working eyes no matter how narrow

on a long piece near my knee
there's a reflection of a young man
he's in a moving wheelchair
when it stops
the young man lifts himself out
using only his hands
the young man has no legs
for he had just come home from war

he would be grateful for two legs no matter how long

on a wide piece near my hip
there's a child
a child whose skin is tight around his bones
no meat to keep him warm
for he hasn't eaten in days
weeks
maybe months

that boy would **** to have his stomach big from dinner

unprivileged persons litter on the shattered pieces
blindness
starvation
deafness
illness
disorders
it's there
it's real

i piece back the mirror and seal the cracks with glue
'mirror, mirror on the wall
who's the fairest of the all"
i ask again
when i see myself
i nod

for i am privileged
i am grateful
i am fair
written: 09/04/17
courtney May 2018
though speaking is forbidden
thoughts are not
though love must be hidden
it is they who call the shots
we get no choice
no voice
no freedom
to do what we want
and where
they all preach freedom
they all claim equality
but where is freedom when you're bound by restraints
where is equality when you're shunned by your race
you can't change your heart, your mind, your path
you can't change your sad, your happy, your wrath
when it all comes down to it
it is up to them
what you do
when you do it
and where
you can't spin around and twirl in your favorite dress
for there are restraints and that's disrespect
you can't laugh aloud and smile real big
for there are restraints and that's completely rigged
restraints, restraints
i want you to be no more
my heart is bleeding from the label: you *****
my body is sore,
let me go
let me free
i want to soar like the birds above the trees
spread my wings and fly real high
if i falter, i'll just have to try
again and again until i get things right
i'll never stop, no not out of fright
i wont give up without a fight
all i want is to be free
to say goodbye to restraints
hello to the breeze
but that's not okay is it?
to want to be me
rules and regulations
they rule this world
society itself is a huge firebird
that plows through the cities,
fire on its wings
burning through the houses and girls' confidence
society is cruel, no not fair nor just
there is no freedom of speech or rights
restraints they are there
forever in a day
they tell you what to do
and they tell you what to say
and if you rebel
punishment will come your way
they take away your little freedom and send you into dispair
so you must play their games and deal with the rules
just count down the days until you can absolve into a big crowd and say goodbye
to this life you once lived with no freedom or life
one day their restraints will no longer contain you
you will be a bird in a cage with the door wide open
so wait little birdie
keep your strength hidden away
for one day you'll spread your wings and set to the sky
away and away from this terrible life
full of restraints,
no voice
no choice
no freedom

wait little bird
for your day to be free
written: 11/15/17
courtney May 2018
what is it that makes you so close-minded
so blind-sighted
by the world around you
you get offended by the smallest things
as if the world and the people in it owe something - as if you are the king
but you aren't are you
you are despicable, mad, and irritable
who has put that mask over your eyees
who has told you all of these lies
you are no different that us
no bigger, no better
we are the same
but you can't see it that way
you think we're different because we aren't your color
that we who are taller
are none less than a monster

so i am here to tell you that we are the same
we are the same species, phylum, and domain
our hair is different, yes, eyes and skin
but cut us open and you'll see that we're kin
open your eyes and realize
that we are made of the same ash and dust
that we all have the very same lust
the lust for freedom
for the death of jealousy
so don't come around just to claim
that you're bigger and better and that we're all insane
because i'll be quick to say that we are the same
like it or not
the fact cannot be fought

you are no different
no better, no more sane
so don't judge us because we won't be slain
by your filthy thoughts and hateful eyes
me and my guys - you cannot buy
so if you can't open your eyes, your mind, your thoughts
leave here and be gone
written: 11/22/17

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