I just needed to hear something
soft like
yellow from the lamp or
my love because
I can't stand the haunting hum of waiting
the anxious, ancient hour under my bone
half bent, ticking
picking my flaws like a hurt bird;
it is my time i give away
& unlike my heart
sadly stuck with me
i cannot keep, cannot get
these minutes back

My friend tells me of this girl who he felt connected with him more
than anyone else.
How she breaks the mold of everyday life when he's with her.
I told him there's a girl like that in my life.

My friend says that if he was with a different girl,
it would feel like settling for less.
I told him I agreed with that.

He looked real serious.
He said,
"Do you ever wonder? If that girl,
the one who breaks the mold,
if she would just be settling for you?"

I had never thought of that before.

How We Laughed
a 9/11 story
by
Jude Kyrie*


We laughed away our silly childhood
Swimming laughing all we could
laughing playing everyday
Together Covered in mud

We laughed all day
at a silly song.
You threw my homework
In the pond.

We laughed so much
I peed my pants
In a pool on the floor.
We laughed at everything
Everything that we saw.

After finals you threw your *******
from the car
And then I threw out mine
We got a ticket from the policeman
And laughed as we paid the fine.

We dumped two losers
on a date
Then went off to graduate.

The we both got wedding rings
Our bellies grew and grew.
How fast the time did fly
You laughed and laughed
And said at last
Weve learned how to multiply

In business you laughed
your way to the top
Who would haved guessed
You were to be the big  success

Then on 9/11 the planes came down.
And the towers turned to ash
You died and the world
Is  now a sadder place
Oh God!
How I miss your laugh

I imagine us
collecting affections
like loose change

bits hidden everywhere

in couch cushions,
in strong, stitched
seams

pennies hoarded
in an old sweet
jar

cluttered coppers
at the bottom of
coffee cups

we count,
meaningless amounts

building neat piles
of insignificant coins

until they become
our fortune

Emotionally exhausted.
My thoughts have officially lost it.
I found my goals and mapped it.
Discovered my pain and masked it.

Lost my soul, and I'm stuck here.
Trapped without it.
I'm running all these miles on manipulation.
Not a moment of hesitation.

Riled up lionhearts.
Dashing into every darts.
It's my gun and, I keep jumping into all of this.
This is a mess, a puzzle that nobody can solve.

My heart is addicted to this pain.
There is no way to stop it.
Running all these signs.
Racing all these lights.

No doubt about it, it's definite now.
Full-forced through the windshield.
I don't like the cards I was dealt.
Waiting it out, playing every card.

Desperate for a win.
Seal up the doors, don't let the devil in.
He's coming to collect me for my sins.
I have collected one too many sins.

My shots are just hitting the rims.
And I keep shooting.
I'm still losing, and I choose to keep on.
I'm far beyond exhausted.

All of it's costing me too much.
Losing it all in the hopes of getting everything I have ever wanted.
Daunted by my demons.
And I'm haunted by feelings.

I keep trying to find my meaning, so desperate for any type of reason.
To keep on despite all these dealings.
Concealing all of this. Shielding all of this.
Just by breathing.

It was 2.36am in the morning and
the thought of you came suffocating
my mind.

It was 6.36am in the morning and
a text from you came by,
it was simple and sweet.

It was truly unexpected,
it was absolutely unplanned,
to meet you again,
to see your smile again.
It was something to die for,
at least of my existence.

Hearing you laughter,
listening to your cherry-blossom stories
brought back the colors of my life
as it was plain and dull these past few months.

It was truly unexpected,
it was absolutely unplanned,
to fall for you again;
even after everything
even after the 'day'.

It always starts with just a sip
Maybe a shot
Then the games begin
And I want it
The burning in my throat
The room keeps spinning
Round and round
I keep downing more and more
Prolonging the buzz
Until it's more than just a tingle

Maybe you know it
Or maybe not
Maybe you have noticed me
Or maybe not.

But I really Don't blame you
For not recognising my love for you
But I wish someday
You would know it better than I do.