He came into my life when I was just a little girl, I was happy and young and then he changed my world. One night I was in bed and he came to say goodnight, he kissed me but lasted a little longer before he turned off the light. I was confused that night, I didn't know what to do. I lay in bed pondering what I may have done but nothing came to mind. I pushed it past me thinking it was all a mistake, but when my mom left for work it happened all again.

I thought if I said "No" it would stop but when I felt his member against me I knew I was all alone.

"No" is a word I haven't come by with, "Stop" is a word that has never spilled out of my mouth thus it got too far. I should have pulled away from your hands and pulled myself upwards and away but that just turned you on more. "Why?" is a word I shall never ask too afraid of hearing the answer even though I already know. You tell me to "Be careful" and "Scream for help if someone touches you'' yet you're here right now doing things I hope not to dream of. You know I would never tell my mother as she will never believe me, after all you are my "Father" so why would you do such things? Why would you kiss my neck? grab my ***? Why would You scurry off me when you hear my mothers high heels coming up the stairs? but most importantly why have I never said no? Why have I always got so paralysed when you came near? Why have I always felt an ocean of fear pushing the air out of my lungs when I saw you and never managed to control my body?  I never asked for this. Well guess what?

For the first time

I'm

gonna

say

"no"

I'm going to take control of my body.

I dont want your skin touching mine.. I'm not an object, I'm your *daughter.

I look up at the sky,
drops of rain spilling over me,
I wonder how a drop can make me feel reassured and free,
One drop of rain,
One drop of blood,
A scream of pain,
It all helps,
I'm not the only one crying now,
Something is here to hold me as I yelp for help.
I wish to be home,
Cuddled up in my blanket,
To feel like something is holding me close and never letting me go,
Where darkness surrounds me,
Where my true thoughts spill out,
Where I can express myself without being judged,
Without my demons haunting me,
At least for a little while, to get a sense of sanity.

1.A walk with one's ego

"Take your ego out for a walk", the master asked, all aspirant monks
one monk who took his pet across the river left it there and returned
the rest after a nice walk hand in hand, brought each, little wet but
rejuvenated, missing master's word in it's real sense altogether,
only for the wise one, the door opened, others had a lesson, painful

2.Tending one's ego
Two  monks , still not ready to part with
their egos,tended both the way each deemed fit ,
The first, so obedient, followed his ego  like a lamb,
one other made it follow him with it's strange requests,
a third the first one to **** his ego with his sword of mind
kept smiling seeing the misery of both still not bold enough.

3 Catty

Ego, was her, fluffy black pet *****
her show piece, she always loved to pamper,
crafty was the creature, hell bent  to keep
her reputation as an attention grabber,
the fact was this, the cat and her mistress
were thoroughly insecure, borrowed colors,
caterwauling in the sound of screeching tires,
she mated with Tom cats that came in jumping walls ,
her mistress was entertained, felt proud,
so ego grew large to the stature of a feline 'top dog',
it's metamorphosis made her owner too bloat up,
Ego one would have to think is her alter ego.

4.I won't ditch my guide dog

Every one thought she was nice, why so egoistic
gets her way every time,  projecting her larger than life ego.
"Well it's my guide dog to get around, as I am one blind person,
I am not yet a renunciate on a quest, I chew my bones too well"

I have done time in the prison of the mind

sewed a blue chip on my  shoulder

left the valley to roam and wander

nurtured a black, tormented seed

gave myself over to a blind man's need


I have done time in the sanctity of the moment

stripped down, undone, naked, free

felt the healing waters wash me clean

nurtured a bright, unfettered soul

gave myself over, finally whole

my son is a better version of me

i easily break
he rides storms smilingly

i crumble in a crisis
he handles stoically

my emotions play loud on face
he hides it handsomely

i'm doubtful of exploring
he ventures courageously

i speculate on life too much
he bothers not seriously

The angels that you can and cannot see
float in and out of life so gracefully;
enfold in winged embraces one by one,
celestial comforters when day is done.
Some angels take the shapes of passers-by
so you might see the Spirit in their eyes.
A smile that lifts the day from the mundane;
a kind hand up, a loving act conveyed.
The unseen angels hover in the realm
where power manifested overwhelms
our common senses. There behind the scenes
they battle fears and reinforce our dreams.
Take counsel from a humbled man, once proud;
they only enter lives when they're allowed.

He was sleeping so soundly,
I couldn't help but stare
At his figure lying on the bed,
No barriers surround him there.
I leaned in closer for a look,
His hands resting near his face.
The feeling of my arms around him,
The feeling of his strong embrace.
I yearned to relive that moment,
But this time he's asleep.
All memories of him conscious and not,
All these I want keep.
So I stared too long at his lips,
I stared too long at his cheeks.
And when i got to his eyes,
He was staring back at me.

Silent hill casts a shadow on the moon,
Even beauty has a dark side.
Pale face aloft in freckled night
Feeds me with random musings
As I meander along the quiet pasture.
Excavate the fertile earth and
There you’ll find sterile treasures
Outliving all that’s alive.
I stumble on my clumsiness and taste
The dirt on my tongue.
Strange how life’s ambrosia is so
Distasteful to its offspring.
Just like love, a cloying sweetness
That turns bitter over time, and
When it’s gone, an aftertaste dwells.
Still on the ground, I roll over to look
Upon the freckled night sky.
Fascinating how constellations
Are merely imposed order
On senseless disorder.
I bet the stars laugh at our attempt
To find reason where there is none.
And then there’s the moon,
Indiscriminately shining on even
The foulest of creatures, underserving
Of its generous light,
Although without the sun, it’d just
Be a tenebrous chunk of rock.
Alone, we’d be just as unglamorous.