God. How am I still not okay?

God. It's been so long.

God. I'm so tired of life right now.

God. What happened to me?

I was such a nice kid.
I was calm all the time.
Mature for my age,
Little but so lively.

I was so helpful.
So loyal.
I always supported my trust.
But I never really spoke my mind.

I was shy.
I was small.
I never stood up for my feelings
I never stood up for myself.

And now I'm older.
I realize I don't need support.
I need myself.
I need confidence.

Speaking your mind is not wrong.
Standing up for your feelings isn't rude.
Standing up for yourself isn't mean.
Saying what you feel doesn't make you imperfect.

No one's perfect. Not even them.
The ones you hate for being so amazing.
Maybe she has anxiety.
Maybe his mom is alcoholic.

No one has a perfect life.
There's not one perfect family in the world.
There is not a person in the world who's perfect.
There's not a person who doesn't have one bit of strife.

But just because you aren't perfect.
Doesn't make you less worth it.
You're amazing.
You're still charming, kind, and strong.

You're just more experienced.
You just understand some more things now.

And maybe, just maybe,
You just aren't as shy anymore.

If in a world narrow and shallow,
you are the depth less, wide ocean,
Be all silent, invisible and hollow
you want in your survival motion.

But forget not that you're an ocean,
Be an ocean when you meet ocean.
Open up your horizons far and wide
You no more have the need to  hide.

While I believed in the world you lived in,
You never would believe my world existed.
You questioned and ridiculed my feelings,
While I always oversaw your shortcomings.
You’ve stretched the string till its breakage.
Just one little twitch will make it go asunder.
You might unknowingly end up doing just that.
I’m afraid I may not be able to rejoin the string.
I adore you. Please don't let it come to this end.

I wish to paint a picture
with a cluster of words
Each twist of the brush
lashing out a vivid image
Filled with diverse colors
And liberating thoughts
tampering existing beliefs
And infinitely looped ideas.

A new reason to live and die for
A new world that could be mine
A new viewpoint to look from
A new way to look at the world
were all he gifted me when I asked.
Long unanswered questions
swirling in my head everyday
leaving me wondering sleepless
Answered by him in a few hours.
The moments I spent with him,
listening to his flowing words,
were the most enchanting times,
Even though they were ephemeral.
He disappeared in a puff of smoke,
leaving behind a souvenir of words,
when I thanked him for being there.